It is becoming a bit embarrassing, the size of my arse. Actually, that's never been a problem. You can call me all sorts of fat-names but lardarse isn't the best of them.
The problem is my general lardiness. I notice it in my bingo wings and flabby thighs. Aggh no! I have a litany of excuses for my failure to exercise of late.
When I took to the pool in August 2008 and soon after, bought a bike, I bet you thought I wouldn't last. I didn't think that, either, truth be told, so my recent lapse, though a matter of regret, is not terminal.
The excuses range from a cold straight after coming back from holiday, long weekend at my mother's, cold wet windy weather, and worn-out brake pads. Which is a saga on inactivity in itself!
But I went swimming tonight. Only the second (or possibly third) time since I got back from holiday. The good news is that I am still not back to square one - that first occasion, when I couldn't even manage a length without stopping, and the water seemed oppressively deep.
The good news is at one point I totally zoned and stopped thinking about my body, the water or my surroundings, and I just swam.
The bad news. I'm still rubbish.
Pausing in between every set of two lengths. Pathetic. And because it's December, I was by far the worst swimmer in the pool. I presume it will close down during the Christmas break (which has annoyed me about swimming pools ever since I got my six metres certificate in about 1974), and then I want it to be clear: I'm not just there because of a short-lived New Year Resolution!
At home it was obvious I deserved a treat
No, no the whole packet! Obviously, I don't actually approve of these things, but there's this man who comes into the house bearing them.
Look at the brown ones, chocolate cream caramel wafers. Each biscuit is wrapped individually in brown dyed plastic. Four of them are placed in a clear plastic bag, and then along with the blue foil-wrapped ones placed on a plastic tray, before being sealed in blue and brown dyed plastic bag.
I am pretty certain that at least one of those packing items is entirely redundant. I remember when I were a lass, chocolate biscuits would come with a lot less packaging than that.
These aren't any chocolate biscuits, these are Marks and Spencer's chocolate biscuits. M&S that trumpets its 'Plan A' 'because there's no Plan B' who prides itself on reducing waste and caring deeply, with passion, about the environment (and, of course, about the positive image and consequent sales generated by appearing to care).
(crappy photo taken on phone because I CBA with hassle of proper camera!)
