As long as I can remember I have been reading. The writing came soon afterwards. I can't think of any other solitary activities I enjoy so much and have been such a constant throughout my entire post-toddlerhood life.
Every child should have an ambition, a dream that burns inside. I have never really known what I have wanted to do with my life/career.
Perhaps to be Prime Minister. And, indeed, if Gordon Brown knocked on my door tomorrow and said "Gert, can you take over for a couple of years" I would be there like a shot, drop everything. I would love it and I know I would be bloody brilliant. The best ever. But that's not how one gets to be Prime Minister.
I don't want to be a junior minister, responding only to the caprices of one's seniors and one's officials. I certainly don't want to be a backbench MP, dealing with the complaints and problems of those who can't be bothered to find out the truth or won't help themselves (casework is always more satisfying for those who can't, either because of their own vulnerability or because of the complex intricacies of the situation). And I certainly don't want to be a Parliamentary candidate or on the panel of hopefuls, having to keep a permanent smile, not offend anyone, and doing the rounds of dull community events and meetings to show one's commitment.
But if there is one 'job' I could do, which wouldn't be like a job, at which I would willingly work away at all hours and even on holiday, it would be 'writer'. There has never been any doubt in my mind that I can write a book. I know all the stuff about everyone having a book in them. I also know that there is only one way to prove oneself as an author - to produce a book. Lots of people do it, why won't I? The actual difficult bit is getting published, and getting the product marketed sufficiently.
I write all the time. But most of what I write is excerpts and disjointed stuff, things that trail-off, stuff that is full of vivid descriptions and characterisations, but lacking a linear narrative - so a lot like life, really...!
I believe that all I have to do is actually to write a book. That isn't difficult. The difficult bit is the same weakness that affects every part of my life - the tendency for enthusiasms that trail off, the lack of stickability, the habit of getitng bored before a project is finished.
But I am not a young woman, and there is no point me going round with this idea in my head 'I'm a writer, inside, really'. Some time, I am going to have to knuckle under or confront the cowardice of reality.
