I just want to give up.
I have spent the last few weeks feeling as ess aitch one tee as I have ever felt in my life. I wish I could do something about it. I wish I could get better. I wish I could feel confident enough to make plans to do exciting things. Like, oh, I don't know go into work for a whole day. a whole week of whole days (where one week = 3 days). Or go to Sainsburys to get, you know, food. And cook it.
I wish I could drink the odd drop of alcohol without getting totally spaced out.
I might be the only person enjoying this monsoon summer (and heartfelt sympathy to anybody whose life is affected by flooding), because I, who used to be a sun worshipper is scared of the heat. It isn't so bad if I'm in an officially hot place - I who used to sneer at people who went on holiday just to lie on the beach can't do anything else - but in London, a city built on the assumption of constant mild drizzly weather, I can't cope. I have done bugger all today. I got up mid morning; I had a bath and a lie-down and now at not even ten o'clock I just want to go to bed and sleep. All my body aches, my heart keeps bursting out into rapid beating, and I am completely without energy. I would really like three months off work, even though that would mean three months without pay, followed by a P45 and eternal unemployability.
No need for sympathy. I think I actually need a good laugh, I need totally unconstructive advice, stuff coming in from left-field and totally taking the piss out of me.
I'm right fed up.
