Hello, let me introduce myself. I am not a young man, but I don't think of myself as old. I am aged 40-55.
I might as well mention now, because it will come out sooner rather than later. I am an Agnetha Fältskog fan.
Well, I say 'a fan'. Her number one fan.
I have been for about thirty years now.
I think about her every day. I feel obliged to, because I know she thinks about me. I worry about her. I worry about the people round her. We only want to be together but *those people* have poisoned her mind, telling her that I'm dangerous.
Me, dangerous? I adore Agnetha. Come to my bedsit. The walls are adorned with pictures of her. All along the table I position my Agnetha Falkstag dolls. I say table, but it only has three legs. The other corner is supported by copies of the Guinness Book of Hit Singles from the 1980s I bought at a Jumble Sale. I took the Abba pages out and had them laminated in Rymans, then I stuck them up in the kitchen with Blu-Tack. I wanted to use the Pink version, but they don't sell it nowadays.
Every week I go to the library and ask if they have got any new books in on Agnetha Falkstag, or if any other library has, so I can get them on inter-library loan. There was a woman there today, she asked me if I was interested in the Cyber-cafe.
I didn't know what a Cyber-Cafe was, but she showed me how to switch on a computer and use the internet, how to use this thing called Google. I had heard about the internet, but I thought it was just for lonely perverts. Not me, I've got Agnetha.
The library lady suggested that I typed something into this google, perhaps the name of an actor, footballer or pop star I liked. Trembling, I typed in "Agnetha Fältskog."
Now, I can talk to her without those evil people who keep her away from me. She has a thing called a website. I can leave her messages there, and she'll find them, like if I left them under the broken paving stone outside her front gate.
It's our secret. Mine and Agnetha's.
