Gertsamtkunstwerk

Who...

...is Natasha Kaplinsky?

What a bimbo - giggle giggle.

Is she normally on the telly?

Why?

Is she capable of actually saying a coherent sentence? With or without an inane irritating giggle?

Are we actually paying our licence fee into her salary?

What a waste...!

Vote Labour, you know it makes sense

Top post for the day

In 1967, Celtic won the European Cup. Harold Wilson was Prime Minister.

In 1968, Manchester United won the European Cup. Harold Wilson was Prime Minister.

In 1977 Liverpool won the European Cup. Jim Callaghan was Prime Minister.

In 1978 Liverpool won the European Cup. Jim Callaghan was Prime Minister.

in 1999 Manchester United won the European Cup. Tony Blair was Prime Minister.

In 2005 Liverpool are in the European Cup. Michael Howard Charlie Kennedy might be Prime Minister. Something looks wrong, there...

Hmm, start again...

1966

 

2003

 

2006

Scots talk amongst yourselves, Welsh remember 1978 and 2005.

This will be top entry til the polls close, unless something big happens on 'No News' Day

Randomness

Okay, final post until there's actually some news...

What I like about the blog bit of the election is the sheer randomness. People are blogging, or commenting on blogs, from their local perspective. They're not carefully selected according to demographic representativeness nor due to the marginality of their seat, so it's random.

It's like 1997. We were supposed to be in some god awful pub/club on the corner of Atlantic Road/Coldharbour Lane, so awful its name escapes me. I was stood trying to watch the TV but couldn't see it, so I said to Our Leader, stood in front of me, "Jim, could I stand in front of you because I'm 5'2" and I can't see the telly." He said, "Be my guest, but I'm 6'0" and I can't see it." I asked him if he wanted a drink. He said he didn't but I thought I'd get one myself.

Fifteen minutes later I'm screaming at the goddawful bar staff - and I never scream at low paid staff but they were so arseholing achingly treendy as to be utter twunts, employed obviously for their trendy arseachingness than their actual ability to interact with human beings and serve drinks. I screamed, "Do you have to have a dick and two balls to get a drink round here?" I was stone cold sober. They were only serving men. It must have been policy there, because I made the mistake a few weeks later of going in on Sunday afternoon with a friend. There were five customers, six staff and still I stood at the bar for ten minutes being ignored by the achingtrendily arseholers. I told them they were scum, worse than the worst spit-and-sawdust old man's pub. And I never ever darkened the door of the scummy shite Dog Star again.

Anyway at the bar I saw various people from my ward all fed up with the crap service, worse beer and theft-like prices. Someone said we ought to go back to someone's house. We did a quick inventory and realised that we probably had enough booze at our various homes to last until breakfast. We decided on John's house, because Katherine was there, with small child upstairs.

So there's about eight of us in J&K's living room, and suddenly we realised we had the country covered. What with constituencies we variously used to live in, ones where our immediate families or close friends lived, added to by ones where "I knew him at Uni" was standing, and complimented by the ones adjoining them, we had an interest in almost every result.

Ah, there'll never be a night like that again. I'm so glad I didn't spend it in the Twunting DogStar

Reasons to vote Labour

D'you remember under the Tories, who claim to be big on Law and Order, people used to say "Why can you never find a policeman when you want one?"

Well, Jimmy's been out the front gardening and noticed some schoolies throwing stones in the abandoned car showroom - it happened when Sister and El were visiting and our neighbour also had her window put through.

Rather than confront them he'd thought he'd go and find a Streetwarden. Lo and behold, walking down the road were not one, but two, real proper Bobbies on the Beat.

In other news, for the second time in a month a man in SW London was seen approaching a policewoman with his flies undone...

General Election Search Request special

I am continuing to be a source for people wanting to know where their polling station is.

Other search requests include:

Election 2005 Cabinet Reshuffle - that will be tomorrow, dear, just a bit premature, like all the people over the last few days searching for the 'results'...

"David Miliband" jehovah - remember, you read it here first. I confidently expect that if Labour wins the ELction, David Miliband will be promoted into the Cabinet as Jehovah.

sexy Caroline Flint - that, I think. has already been established on mmofm

Tony Blair cock size - vital election issue, that. In December 1999, Tony came to speak at Brixton Recreation Centre. I got there early and managed to get in about the fifth row, and reserved a seat for my freind R. To while away the time I read my New Statesman which had arrived in that morning's post, before I left for work. At the time, Paul Routledge had a gossip column. In that particular column he mentioned that the PM is very well endowed in the trouser department. I showed the article to my friend R. We did spend some of the time of Tony's speech being rather distracted...

And to save time, here are the non-election search requests...

chav spotting package holidays - I can see this one taking over in popularity from Safaris.

James Levine pornography - only a very sick mind could possibly get pleasure from pornographic pictures of James Levine.

Gerrards Cross French horn Gossip - Iwould love to know what lies behind this - I've heard it say that the greatest scandals are those involving brass bands. But mainly in the North, not Buckinghamshire

wagner gotterdammerung cd 20 minutes - wimp! chicken! Six hours mate. Twenty minutes? Part-timer...!

Post of the Day

Adrian has explained the process by which he set about Making Marks

As it happens, I agree with his conclusion, but I even more admire the process - if everybody followed it we could claim to have a mature democracy.

Update Diamond Geezer is currently holding the silver medal for much the same reasons.

And Hon Mensh to Blue Witch

Note to the arseholes in Dead Tree Media - none of these is a 'political blogger'. Each of them blogs about their life. Each of them recognises that the democratic process is part of their rich, rounded balanced life. Go figure...

Where is my polling station?

This seems to be a popular search request today.

So, I suggest that either you get the leaflet that the

LABOUR PARTY

has put through your door, and call the phone number on that, and the nice people from the Labour Party will be able to help you;

Or, (this works better in urban than rural areas), you go for a little walk round the block, thinking especially of where schools, churches and tennis clubs are, and you look for big signs saying "Polling Station". Go in there, and if your road isn't on the list, the nice polling clerks should be able to direct you to the right one. If you do this at peak 'coming home' time, you might have to queue. During the afternoon voting is normally slow, as there is a rush on the way to work, and another steady stream as the pensioners and stay-at-home Mums go between nine and eleven. It picks up a bit at school run time, depending on how many schools are actually open.

Oh, and if you haven't voted already, just out of interest, do take a note of whether your Polling Station is accessible to people in wheelchairs and with other ambulatory restrictions.

(In my first election in 1994 someone arrived in a wheelchair and couldn't get in; fortunately, I was taking numbers with John Baron, who was elected Conservative MP for Billericay in 2001, and he's a big strapping ex-guardsman and was able to lift the person and wheelchair. I could do nothing, I was still recovering from having my shoulder repaired; not every polling station will have an ex-guardsman on duty). In a council by-election, the polling clerks ended up taking a ballot box outside because someone could not climb the five steps. This was strictly illegal, but I, and the Tory and LibDem who were taking numbers, all shut our eyes and pretended it wasn't happening.

Both options are undignified.

And why do we use schools, anyway? I know it's because they're Council owned and fairly uniformly distributed throughout the neighbourhood, but it means many children missing a day's school, and the parents having to make childcare arrangements, and causes resentment in those kids whose schools aren't used. Mind you, today is Ascension Day, a Holy Day of Obligation, so we would have had the day off, anyway. I don't suppose any church schools do that these days.

If you've got a child who's off school today, take them to the polling station. A friend of mine boasts he first voted when he was five, because his Mum told him which candidate to vote for. He even got to put the paper in the box.

Speaking as an auditor...

...about electoral fraud.

Not that audit is about fraud. And not that I have any specific work-based knowledge. Nor active politics based knowledge.

But as an accountant specialising in audit I know a few things about risk, risk appetite, systems controls and system weaknesses.

Electoral fraud. Big news this year. Personally, I've always enjoyed the Irish philosophy - The armalite not the ballot Vote early vote often. And you'd better believe the number of general and other elections in which I have been able to exercise that - legitimately, of course, through properly authorised proxy voting.

If you look at it the whole process is redolent with scope for fraud. It suits the Evening Standard to have billboards 'saying Shock! Horror!'. They had three different headlines billboarded at Oxford Circus last night, each of them designed to make people feel worried. It sells newspapers.

The key to voting is getting on the electoral register. You can put any name on and it doesn't get checked. In any other election - not this one, I've no been canvassing - I have encountered at least one example of toddlers with votes. (Incidentally, people often omit children under the age of one from the census).

I got my credit reference data subject access report in 1993 and found that i was on the electoral register for Southend East for the 1992 election. I voted in Streatham. I could have voted in Southend. I didn't and it would have been illegal. But it would have been possible. Noone would have cross-checked. Perhaps someone used my polling card to vote Tory (oh, the irony...) When you moved house did you tell the Local Authority to remove you from the electoral register? I never did!

Have you ever got polling cards for people who have moved away? I certainly did for the person who used to own this house before I did in the 1997 election. She lives in what was Clapham Park now Clapham Common ward, so I could have voted with her card. Or got a non-councillor comrade from a different polling district to do it. It's hard for councillors or ex-councillors to impersonate - they're known by polling staff.

A black man told me a story about another part of London he had lived where a black man said "Give me a list of all the black men who have died. You white people can't tell us apart, so I'll vote on their behalf."

You don't need a polling card to vote. Just a name and address.You don't have to provide proof at any stage of the process.

And so it has been for years. Personally, I have never committed electoral fraud nor known of anyone doing so. But any one who has ever thought about the system recognises that it has very many flaws. We've put up with it for this long, perhaps because we don't know the full extent, perhaps we figure it all balances in the end, or because, like benefits, you have to tolerate a high fraud rate if you make the benefit accessible.

It's only fairly recently that we have collectively thought about Identity Fraud. Perhaps through naivety. It's not so long ago that a baptismal certificate - blank ones available from the Catholic Truth Society - was sufficient proof of ID, creating entitlement to benefits. It's only extremely recently that a passport signatory has had to give their passport number. Someone I know says they forged the counter-signature. I don't think they had any nefarious intentions, just couldn't be bothered to get a proper person to do it. I took the piss, of course - I was a proper person!

A passport is a way to access all sorts of benefits and services. Nowadays you can't open a bank account without one. I got a bank account long before I got a passport. I don't think I even needed a birth certificate.

For years people have been obtaining birth certificates and thus passports in the names of 'dead babies'. It's only very recently that Registered births and deaths have been computerised and matchable.

ID theft is expensive to the nation and distressing to individuals - parents of dead babies who suddenly get landed with an arrest warrant or credit card bill, or individuals who find they are repeatedly turned down for jobs because someone has used their ID to get treatment for heroin addiction. A teenager I know slightly couldn't get a passport to go on holiday - at short notice - because somebody had already got one in her name.

So my point is - electoral fraud is nothing new, and will continue until and unless we agree to a means to prove identity, to prevent multiple registering.

A couple of us discussed postal voting at the last election but then realised that the polling station is nearer than the post box!

Note to self - take photo of 'Please do not park outside our school' signs tomorrow!

Silliness

Tory Policy Generator

Hours of endless fun.

• Name and Shame Teenagers
• Evict intellectuals
• Make a Public Example of Hippies
• Stop Being Kind to Northerners
• Give MRSA to Howard Flight
• Introduce the Death Penalty for Drug Abusers
• Stop Being Kind To Lesbians
• Bring back caning for hunt saboteurs

And if the policies aren't enough - how will pay for it

• By making school leavers do all the work for free in local government.
• By abolishing Jobcentres.
• By having a car boot sale of all the assets of local government.
• By eliminating waste (and jobs) in the British Army.
• By withdrawing the national minimum wage from Universities.
• By pretending we can get the money from social services departments.
• By withdrawing all public funding from Wales.

Their pledges:

1. Disciplined Barbeques
2. Shiny Picnics
3. Excellent Boots
4. Cleaner Homes
5. Easier Cricket Bats

or, alternatively:

1. Reduced Families
2. Controlled Sheep
3. Warm Hospitals
4. Australian Immigrants
5. 1950′s style Taxes

Are you smoking what we're smoking?

Serious Thinking About Hard Choices for Balham, Brixton, Clapham and Streatham

via Chris

Toddler gets vote

But in an election bungle the 18-month-old from Colchester, Essex, was sent a polling card by local council officials.

Would that be because he was on the Electoral Register?

I wonder how he got on the Electoral Register?

Did his parents perhaps put his name on it?

Even though the form says only include those who are aged 16 or above, and if 16 and 17 put their dates of birth?

And then they go to a national newspaper and tell the world how thick they are.

Should the parents perhaps be barred from eligibility to vote for the next eighteen years?

Hey, we all make mistakes filling in forms. But we don't broadcast it from the rooftops!

And of course he got election leaflets from various parties - because they used the electoral register...!

Nine candidates

Streatham

I've not had leaflets from them all. I felt a funny feeling of nostalgia when I read the Workers Revolutionary Party leaflet - nationalise Rover, abolish Israel, student grants for all. The Tory's leaflet is baffling 'Serious Thinking About Hard Choices for Balham, Brixton, Clapham and Streatham'. Serious Thinking about Hard Choices? Huh?

I've seen a leaflet from one of the independents, which seems entirely pointless - she has some niggle about some of the details of the Clapham Park project. I wonder if her votes will get into double figures.

I'm surprised we haven't got a Respect or Socialist Alliance candidate. Last time we panicked when it flashed up on screen 'Recount in Streatham' and we had to phone someone at the count. Turns out that the SA were about to lose their deposit so wanted to double check. Fair enough.

I had kind of forgotten there was an election coming up until I looked in my folder of tickets and invites and noticed my Polling Card.

You know I'm exaggerating.

But for the first time since 1974 I have failed to be swept up in election fever.

I suppose when you have an incumbent Government that's presiding over a strong economy and investing in public services, yet fails to inspire passion and belief, up against an Opposition Party that are already deciding on their next leader (William Hague?) and are campaigning only to prevent leakage of votes to the extremes, it's not exactly 1992 with all to play for.

Just as long as I don't wake up on Friday morning with Micahel Howard in my bed. I would hate that.

Machine cold calling

What has it come to when one of one's favourite Grauniad columnists rings one up with a recorded message.

Sorry John, but I can't make it to Battersea this weekend - in the immortal words of Elvis Costello, "I Don't Want To Go To South Chelsea..." With my legs, I can't even make it to Streatham Hill...

Yeah, yeah, I've got a blog coming up about 'campaigning', and another about 'the day'. I was going to talk about issues, but then I decided, it's not really about issues. Well, it should be, but the campaign shouldn't be about issues, really. I mean, it's been four years since the last election, and since then the Government has governed and the various Oppositions have Opposed, variously.

What was that you said - you hadn't noticed...

When it comes down to it, you either vote for a broad philosophy, or you have a basket of issues on which you rank the parties, and pick the best fit.

Charlie Kennedy's having laugh, right about Iraq. Each one of the three main parties (sorry Scots and Welsh...) were divided on Iraq. Each party had people voting one way or th'other, and resignations blah-de-blah.

The Labour Party was in Governemnt and chose to go into Iraq. The Tory leadership was in support of this, and would surely have done the same. The Lib Dems opposed right up to the time the war started and then started to get all mealy-mouthed and tabloid about 'supporting our boys', without actually giving any indication of having any sort of exit strategy.

Do you honestly think that anything would have been different regardless of who was in power? And I do not honestly think that if Condoleeeeeezza decides to invade Syria or Iran that any British government, regardless of colour, is going to be quite so enthusiastic to support that.

I've had three search request for 'candidate's name Iraq'. Two are acquaintances of mine, and the third is a former Tory Chancellor and Home Secretary. Oh, I thought, people are taking notice of Kennedy. Then I thought - yeah, three people have come here via Google. I would have been far more impressed if I had had thousands and thousands of search requests from the voters of Burnley, Twickenham and Rushcliffe.

Election Blogging

I feel a bit of a fraud - an Electoral Fraud. I had this idea that i was going to follow the Election Campaign avidly in media, both TV and print...well, t'internet, anyway, this is t'internet Election.

But you know, I don't know how to. I know this sounds silly, but I never have done.

1974 and prior, I had no access to TV, could (barely) read, and, frankly, had very little interest except that it - whatever it was - was between Mr Wilson and Mr Heath, but, confusingly, in February 1974 (did you know there were two General Elections in 1974), Grainne said - and I can still picture her now in Miss Woodcock's Infant 2 class that we ought to vote Liberal. That was confusing, because neither Mr Wilson nor Mr Heath were Liberal. And, anyway, I wasn't allowed to vote.

1979 was a bit more interesting. But I wasn't exactly reading newspapers at that stage. I certainly didn't want Mrs Thatcher to win. The Blue Peter tortoises got called Maggie and Jim. Mr Callaghan had done a Party Political Broadcast, which was very interesting, because it showed a cake and he explained that under Labour, everyone would get a fair share of the cake, whereas under the Tories, the cake wouldn't be divided fairly. Sarah and I carried out an opinion poll which showed that most people in Juniors 2-4 would vote Labour. We didn't bother with Junior 1 or the Infants - they were too young. (Sarah was in Junior 2, she was the sister of Simon in my class, and we got the bus together). Grainne said we had to vote Liberal.

Our teacher was away and we had another teacher sitting with us. We were supposed to be working on our topics, but Andrea and I were bored with that, so we decided to lie to the teacher and tell her we had left our Topics at home. (Actually, it's suddenly struck me - she probably didn't believe us for a minute, but it was Andrea and me, so she probably guessed we were bored). She said we should write an essay about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Andrea said she wanted to be a brain surgeon. She's now a GP. I said I wanted to be Prime Minister.

On the Friday the school bus driver wore a badge saying "Don't blame me I voted Labour". John Craven's Newsround showed Mrs Thatcher standing outside 10 Downing Street and quoting a prayer which was from a hymn we sang at school "Make Me A Channel of Your Peace." Arsenal beat Manchester United in the FA Cup Final.

In 1983 the election was during school exams. These were extremely important school exams - as all School exams were, taking two weeks to be sat, preceded by a week of in-class revision and followed by a week of in-class going over the papers. Twice a year. Eight weeks of the year wasted on exam hysteria. I digress. These were extremely important, because they were a year before O Level, so we had to revise for them. Except Maths, because we did the O Level that year. I didn't know you were supposed to revise for Maths, so I didn't. Fortunately, I got an A, anyway (as if that was ever in doubt...)

So TV time was limited. Besides, there were actually more important things going on - Part One and Part Two. United beat Brighton 4-0 in the FA Cup Final Replay. On the night of the General Election I was so depressed at what the result was obviously going to be, that I went to bed early and did not even listen to the radio UTBC (Under the Bed Clothes...you had to be there). In the previous four years, I had become highly and extremely politicised, influenced in very large part by the Golden Age of opo music (did anyone notice that I blogged that phrase the other week, and yesterday The Observer stole my phrase. They also stole my coup de theatre phrase for Un ballo in maschera.

Note to Music Editor, The Observer - Giss A Job, I Can Do That...

The Tories need immigrants...

Conservatives use 'cheap' migrant leafleters

Let's hope they declare the costs in their eLectoral expenses.

And more to the point realise what anybody with a brain realises

Mr Williams, a lawyer and a Labour supporter, said: "Many businesses and public sector employers in the UK, particularly in the south-east, face labour shortages. It is in the UK's interest for there to be properly-managed economic migration. Economic migrants who come here lawfully deserve the full protection of UK legislation and in particular laws on employment rights."

Mind you, the Tories never supported the minimum wage. Said it would cause unemployment. Far better to keep people poor.

And how am I represented

The Public Whip - How They Voted 2005

An dI don't give much creedence to this poll either. So, I'm closer to the Tories than Labour on the issue of "Foundation Hospitals". I actually don't give a damn about structures, I am more interested in the fact that UK spending on the Health service has now reached the European average as a percentage of GDP. Whereas the Tories would wish to dismantle the health service.

I really don't think student top-up fees is anything like th emost important aspect of education. I think themost important part is the Early Years. The Tories just pay lipservice to Early Years Education, as they do to much of primary and secondary, because they are not users of it. They get interested at Higher Education because even the offspring of Tory voters, and Tory voters themselves. have little choice but to use the state funded and controlled Higher Education system. Why would any Tory voter send their child to an inner city comprehensive, where they have to mix with immigrants and other poor people?

My politics

I cry foul ALL NEW! Political survey - Your results - I will willingly agree that I am a rehabilitation-internationalist, but I am not a free market pro-war person. The hint might have been that I put a 'strongly disagree' that Britain was right to go war with Iraq.

And I'm not in favour of higher income tax. This isn't because I;m in favour of lower public-spending, but I think there is a slight perversity, rarely challenged, that something that ny good socilaist like myself would argue for - full employment, is then taxed, when I feel that the burden of taxation should fall on unearned income, but most of all on activities that are harmful in some way to society.

I will not accept that one third of the population is more socialist and anti-war than me. Hmm, on the issues that may attract a P45 I am 'very left wing' although I call myself fairly left wing.

No, this survey is piss poor. Socialism isn't just an 'economic' tag. I am a socialist on the P45 issues (nod wink say no more) because I am socialiist. I'm a redistributionist who believes in strong public services. they sau Greens are most likely to share my views. But Greens are very dodgy on gender issues and matters of sexuality, reproduction and so on. Remember, I'm a socilaist.

For those who are more interested in my views than their own, they can be found at an incredibly long url

Politicians' music

To be honest, I think it's a pointless article. Vaguely entertaining but, ultimately, of no consequence. When I was younger I swallowed all the crap from the women's magazines about how you can judge someone's personality by their record collection. No, I think you can usually judge someone's musical tastes by their record collection. Alternatively, their social-climbing aspirations.

I certainly don't think musical tastes tell us anything about politicians, and certainly not about actual issues. Heck, there are times when I have cringed at the musical tastes of musicians I admire. During an Election, all politicians, regardless of party or seniority are hyper aware that they must project an image, and, I am sure, most of them have calculated - or at least edited - their choices to be consistent with an image.

So many of them cite Bob Dylan. Someone once said that I was the sort of person who felt they ought to like Bob Dylan but can't quite. If it hadn't been so funny, I would have taken it as an insult.

I suspect of the lot, my tastes are closest to Tessa Jowell.

But if I were standing for election and was asked that question, I am not sure which of my various favourites I would select to project an image of my personality/values/politics.

I'm going to Vote Labour

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Labour

Your actual outcome:

	Labour 54
Conservative -55
	Liberal Democrat 46
UK Independence Party -23
Green -1

You should vote: Labour

The Labour Party is broadly pro-Europe and takes a strong line in favour of all anti-terrorism measures, and of course supported the war in Iraq. Labour is against explicit increases in income tax to fund public services and against the abolition of university tuition fees, but has pledged to reintroduce maintenance grants for students.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

I remember doing a quiz for the London Mayoral Electionin 2000, and was told to vote either Tory or the Christian party. Amused, I sent it to a local Labour mailing list, and got back half a dozen replies gently taking the piss, and then three admitting they had got equally bizarre results. I then sent it to some people who were members of other parties, and they got strange results, too.

Why I am so much closer to the UKIP than Tories, I don't know, considering I strongly support joining the Euro and signing up to the EU constitution - surely that in itself should be -100% for UKIP.

Or perhaps it's because I opposed the Tories knee-jerk ill-thought out xenophobia. Nope, that should also put me against the UKIP.

via someone on the blogroll

Attention Loreto Old Girls...!

Well, I know there's at least two that read this...

Nick has drawn my attention to Tories promise expansion of faith schools

At a prize giving ceremony at St Ambrose College Greater Manchester

Update According to the Tory news release, St Ambrose is in 'Hales Barn'. I would have though the good residents of Hale Barns ought to be placing basic literacy at the top of their demands for Education.

And angry that the Tories fail to recognise that, despite the 1974 Local Government Act, Hale Barns is *really* Cheshire.

Tee hee...!

Thatch looking fab

I'm hard-pressed to decide who is more detestable, Thatcher or Stringfellow

An affair between the two of them would knock all other stories off the front page.

I was in a cafe once when Peter Stringfellow walked in. He looked around in a "Look at me! Look at me!" way. Everyone studiously avoided him.

He looked grotesque then, and that was ten years ago.

Vote positive or negative

I will pin my colours to the mast and say that I am a die-hard Labour Loyalist, and thus, would vote Labour if it were it were a donkey wearing a red rosette.

Few people identify so strongly with a political party. Come election day, many have to decide which is their best-fit choice or their least-worst option.

I would say that there can be an element of laziness within this - John Cole said on eve-of-poll 1992 that many people like to pick who they perceive to be the eventual winner, thus correctly predicting a Tory victory. This worked the other way in 1997 when some people thought it fashionable to vote Labour, so did.

However, the evidence suggests that the greater number of people cast an 'anti' vote. This can be lazy - "I'm fed up with This Lot, I'll give the Other Lot a chance." Or it can be Tactical.

If I lived in a Tory-LibDem marginal, where Labour was distinctly in third, or lower, place, I would have to consider whether an anti-Tory vote was more valuable than a pro-Labour vote. I have never faced this dilemma, never having lived in a seat where the Lib Dems were a serious electoral consideration. I do know somebody who voted Lib Dem in 1992 as the best placed runner-up to the Tories, and was astonished to see Labour overtake the LibDems.

I would also argue very strongly that if you live in a Constituency where the BNP are fighting a significant campaign, you vote for whatever party is most likely to keep them out. I don't think there are any Tory-BNP battles, if there was, and I lived there, I would soul-search, think very very carefully, and seek a Tory in a Labour-BNP battleground to 'swap' votes with.

There is a temptation to select a fringe party or an independent candidate as a protest against the ruling party. I would not criticise someone for doing that out of ideological reasons, but as a protest, I see it as an exercise in futility.

It may look big and it may seem clever, achingly trendily so, but, in essence, it is tantamount to abdicating responsibility.

General Elections serve two purposes: one is to determine which party forms the government. This is almost always the Party that has the greatest number of MPs in Parliament. It is also the method of electing somebody to be your reperesentative in Parliament. For most of my life I have lived in constituencies served by diligent and conscientious constituency MPs - Fergus Montgomery, Teddy Taylor, and for the past thirteen years, the great Keith Hill. The less said about Martin Bastard-Brandon-Bravo the better; William Shelton never grazed my consciousness.

The three named were/are characterised by:

• responding to my letters of lobbying
• respected in the local Community regardless of political persuasion
• responsive to issues of local and national importance
• demonstrable track-records of fighting for the betterment of their communities

I also know of Keith, because of my work as a councillor, how vital is it to have an MP with a personal commitment, and a competent staff , to deal with personal casework.

I recall a story from some years ago, told to me by someone who worked at the DHSS, or Benefits Agency, or whatever it was called. They often got MPs' letters representing their constituents. If it was Tony Lloyd, the managers' attitude was 'Finger out. Now.' If it was Fergus Montgomery, the manager's attitude was 'This needs addressing'. If it was Winston Churchill 'I suppose we ought to deal with this.' My many years of audit have shown me that this is not uncommon in Central and Local Government.

Simply, some elected representatives are not taken as seriously as others. Some have the ability to understand and analyse the problem, the tenacity to pursue the matter, and the confidence to hold officials accountable. Others don't. And that is why I would never respect someone who votes for a fringe party to make themself feel good, without considering whether that candidate has the ability fully to represent the often great needs of individuals.

As a great man once nearly said, "Ask not what my community can do for me but what I can do for my community..."

My vote is worth nothing

This question has puzzled me for upwards of twenty years, and I am not going to pretend to have the answer.

It is accepted as a truism that the election is really determined in 50-100 constituencies 'Key Marginals' and those of us living in 'safe' seats might as well stay at home for all the good it does.

2001 RESULT FOR STREATHAM Labour 56.9% Liberal Democrat 18.3% Conservative 17.9% Others 6.9%

This wasn't how I felt in 1992, though (see below)...

(and rest assured Keith, or friends of Keith, who may be reading, I will get my sorry arse over the road to VOTE KEITH on 5 May!)

I could recount anecdotes about the ward in Nottingham, where the highest placed but unelected Labour candidate came a mere two votes behind the lowest elected Conservative. This lead to the Conservatives having an overall majority of one seat on the two-party council, and, thus, overall control.

I could relate the story of a then colleague and husband, Labour Party members but not activists, who slinked away from the polling station, unable to meet the eyes of the Labour Teller, having tactically voted LibDem - the Lib Dems defeated the sitting Tory by 57 votes.

Or I could give you tales of the approximate method of counting votes - indeed, I will, but on another day...

Each vote can make a diference. In the way that if you keep putting your loose change in a jar, you suddenly find you have enough money for an airfare, or the deposit on a house. "Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves."

But my vote doesn't matter.

At the risk of sounding dreadfully old-fashioned, I do believe that there is such a thing as society. It's not always what we do as individuals that count, but what we do as part of society.

You can rest assured that the far right extremist hate parties will be incredibly well organised to ensure that their supporters vote in their droves. I confidently believe that not one person who reads this blog will vote BNP (and Fuck Off if you do, your readership isn't wanted), so I say to all of you, if you have a BNP candidate standing in your constituency, please examine your conscience and cast your vote in a way that ensures that those hate-filled scum maggots are denied the oxygen of publicity, and, even worse, a Parliamentary seat.

For many years, I trotted out parrot fashion the phrase that many women sacrificed a great deal in order that I can vote. When I first stood for election in 1994, in Brixton's Town Hall Ward, and spent very many hours canvassing votes, I was overwhelmed by the number of black, mainly young-ish, people who said that they were going to vote, perhaps for the first time in their life, because they had been so moved by the scenes from the South African election, where black people were able to vote for the first time. Not that I count myself in the Nelson Mandela league...

There are also other considerations in casting a vote - even in a 'safe', one way or th'other seat, the vote eventually gets aggregated, and forms the historical record of the election, being used in the formulae for all those wonderful psephological games. I love psephology, me...!

I find it hard to formulate a convincing argument, even to myself, that me voting, or abstaining, or spoiling my ballot paper, or voting for a fringe party, can make any difference. To be honest, that is why, over the years, I have actively campaigned, stood for election (and won, and served eight years).

That is why I write to the media, that is why I lobby my MP, that is why I write stuff on this blog. My vote is only the key to unlocking my democratic participation. If you don't vote, you can't complain, I said yesterday. I actually think it should be - if you don't complain, you can't complain...!

Elections - and why vote

If Voting Changed Anything, They'd Abolish It

as Ken Livingstone famously entitled his autobiogrpahy.

Yet, bizarrely, in other news, Ken Livingstone stood for and was elected Mayor of London, twice. And changed some things.

There is a saying that if you don't vote, you have no right to complain. You know, I think that's phooey. Of course, you have the right to complain. After all, your taxes are paying for the political system.

I know that everybody in the Madmusings Community is very intelligent. Being highly intelligent, we can sometimes overlook the basics in pursuit of our loftier ideas.

What is Politics?

In my not so very humble opinion, it is the least worst system we have for arranging certain aspects of society.

Long long long ago, back in history, the idea of a Parliament emerged and evolved, when men - and it was always men - of status got together to advise the King. Or Queen - interesting counterpoint there. Skip forward to about the 18th or 19th century, roughly. These gentlemen of status figured that they could more easily influence the KingQueen, now evolved into the First Lord of the Treasury, if they formed semi-permanent alliances with each other.

Then they gave the vote, gradually, to nearly all men. And it was still men. And then to some women. And then to most women. And, finally, in 1969, to all adults. Big of them, don't you think.

'Give the vote?'. They realised they wanted it back. They realised that there were some very opposing views around. There were people, often not gentlemen of status. Often not gentlemen at all. Sometimes not even men, who had no interest in influencing the QueenKing First Lord of the Treasury (PM), but wanted to influence the influencers, or the people who picked the influencers. Television was invented. And that's how we got Party Politics.

The only other alternatives are tyranny or anarchy. Well, there are others, but I can't be arsed to go upstairs and blow the dust off Plato.

Anarchy would be attractive, if it wasn't for the peskiness of human nature. And economies of scale.

I'm just GC from the Block, and I quite like the idea that we get together communally to provide certain services that we couldn't really each provide for ourselves individually. Things like armies and streetlights and so on. They make me feel secure, and that is really important. But they cost money, which we grudgingly, but being mature rational adults, ultimately willingly, pay for in some sort of fair-ish way. We call that payment taxes. I don't suppose many people could cogently diasgree with the need for us communely paying some money for things like armies and street lights.

But then the debate starts at what else it is desirable or efficient to provide in this way. And that's where Party Politics come in, because broadly speaking different political parties disagree about what public services should be provided this way; to what extent; and how they should be managed. There is also an ideological background to this, but we're not being partisan today.

And we vote because wish to express our preferences about the previous paragraph. Not only that, we also want our preferred level to be the one that prevails.

Tomorrow, or sometime, we opine that My Vote is Worthless.

Apathy

The choice is not here

I couldn't be bothered to read it.

(I should install a linklog, shouldn't I, but does anybody actually read linklogs...?)

Election called

I was utterly flabbergasted at the news that today Tony has asked Queenie to dissolve Parliament next week.

Even more flabberghasted that the election is called for 5 May.

I don't suppose there will be much formal national electioneering until after Parliament dissolves, but the party activists will be out in force from now on - have already been.

As promised, I will be blogging the Election. Next week, I will be looking into ishoos, and some events from the media election. This week I shall write a few thoughts on elections and voting in a sort of non-partisan way.

But this won't be politics all the way. Between now and then, I shall be going to four operas - well, three operas and a musical, and four concerts.

There is the minor matter of an FA Cup Semi Final. Oh dear, I've just realised that Bowyer and Dyer will be suspended from the Newcastle team to face Manchester United. Come on, you Reds.

Papal Funeral, Royal Wedding

And there will probably be other...stuff...too. Cos in the end, blogging's about stuff.

Sunk cost blog

Impending doom: blogs and UK election law

Just to ensure the case is clearly stated. I pay a fixed fee per annum for the domain name and hosting for this blog.

Any mentions of Vote Keith Hill! Vote Labour! in the next few weeks are at no cost to myself, to Streatham Labour Party or to the Labour Party nationally.

Best laid plans

Blair to delay calling election

You know I'm biased, but regardless of your political views, you have to feel a bit sorry for Tone

It is not the first time Mr Blair has needed to change his election timetable. In 2001, he postponed the election because of the foot-and-mouth epidemic.

You will have noticed that my sister correctly despatched Nicholas Witchell off to Rome; she's now working out official representation at funerals. She reckons the Queen can go off to Rainier's - Chas was supposed to be the representative, and it conveniently gets Queenie out of the wedding - and Princess Michael of Kent can be at the Vatican.

I was just wondering, actually. The Catholic Church is a Global Multinational Corporation with members upwards of a billion. I wonder if the funeral arrangements will take into consideration the Walesian nuptials, after all, the British Commonwealth has even more members globally, or will the Vatican regard it as just one more event of a aprochial nature no doubt taking place in dozens of nations worldwide. And will Charlie's future status as Head of the Church of England be weighed in the balance.

Bring on a Republic

Wedding fuels republican surge

Howard Bandwagon Watch

Howard Bandwagon Watch

Here are the current top ten favourites for his next bandwagon:

1. Howard pledges new "ATM Bill" to deal with people who take too long getting money out of cash points.
2. Howard to ban hosepipe bans.
3. Howard to double limit on items allowed in "six and under" supermarket queues.
4. Howard says Premiership abuse of referees has grown under Labour, and promises a new "Graham Poll" Bill.
5. Howard pledges to press Channel 4 to move The Sopranos to 9pm.
6. Howard urges The West Wing to have a Republican President - preferably one who will meet him.
7. Howard to outlaw "push polling" - except by the Tories in this campaign.
8. Howard calls for Royal Wedding memorabilia profits to go to charity.
9. Howard pledges new Bill to force pop stars to sing lyrics clearly.
10. Howard pledges streamlining of choice in coffee shops.

Five weeks to go - shall we have a JavaScript Countdown thingy?

Canvassing in Braintree

Shoppers not citizens

Through gritted teeth I praise Polly Toynbee's piece

So politics is reduced to bribery and MPs to delivery men. Whose fault is it - the inadequate voters or the pusillanimous politicians? It's a fateful symbiosis in a downward spiral of political aspiration.

This from the woman who voted Lib Dem in the Council elections in 2002 as a protest against Tony Blair. I don't think she realised that Tony Blair wasn't standing in Clapham Common ward. I hope she's still happy with the Tory Liberal Council she helped to bring about.

Better to read Clapham Town's John O'Farrell on visits to the Soul Gym