I'm blogging this to round off a short series. I am fairly certain there will be further Afternoon Tea outings but probably not until the winter - unless on holiday, although cream tea might happen. I was quite struck by the idea of sampling different offerings, 6 in the past year, but all things in moderation.
The Marriott at County Hall had a time-limited offer that wasn't cheap but included unlimited 'sparkling wine' . Not surprisingly it was booked solid on most of the dates we could do, except for one Friday afternoon in April, which I booked - and later realised it was Good Friday. My constant companion was fine about that, but with one condition - no meat. He, like I, was brought up a Catholic, and for him it's important to abstain from eating meat on Good Friday (he is past the age where fasting is obligatory). I know that the theologians among you will point out that a champagne afternoon tea is not wholly in the spirit of penance, to which I will say 'Haven't you got better things to worry about?'
I rang up a few days before and asked whether a vegetarian option was available. (I decided to keep it simple and not mention fish - Himself is not a big fan of smoked salmon). I laid it on with a trowel that it was Good Friday, hence no meat. The calltaker was slightly non-plussed, but noted that we were veggie and all was in order when we arrived. I actually think the veggie option was a win: I've read other blogposts from this venue and whilst their sandwiches were good, ours were outstanding.
Like an idiot I didn't write them down but thy included a cheddar and pickle, beetroot, cucumber, tomato, and cream cheese. None of which probably seems that tempting but all exceeded my expectations/pre-conceptions. Quality fresh ingredients, used by someone with a sensitive intelligent understanding of flavours. Jimmy normally doesn't like cucumber, but enjoyed his cucumber (and, if I remember rightly) mint sandwich. I'm not a big beetroot fan, but this went down well.
We started with a rhubarb 'soup'. Again, I forget the details but it was topped with a foam of, I think, raspberry.
On arrival we were presented with a case each containing sample jars of a wide variety of different teas. I thought that was a great idea, you could choose at your leisure, and were encouraged to sniff the contents of the individual jars. It was a bit overwhelming in the end, though, as I dithered between Darjeeling or Darjeeling first crop (or some such). Better than being shown a box of cardboard boxes of teabags, though, or being presented with the exciting choice of English Breakfast or Earl Grey. Thoughtfully planned, but when the teapots arrived the waiter just poured the first cup without checking with me, or checking that it had brewed long enough, or stirring it. If you are making a big deal about serving afternoon tea it might actually help if you train your staff how to serve tea properly. I don't think I'm asking too much.
Much of the offer was truly excellent but in other respects I was slightly surprised at standards that were less than professional and/or luxurious. Noise.The musical accompaniment was down market commercial 80s pop. I'm a big fan of this genre but it was just wrong in this setting and for this experience. Arguably music isn't necessary, but if it has to be played, instrumental is best. Light orchestral, perhaps, or plinky plonk jazz piano that I only like in this sort of setting.
The sandwiches were followed, in time honoured fashion by scones, or, on this day a savoury scone and a hot cross bun. Usual clotted cream and jam to go with the hot cross bun; a cream cheese and chive for the scone.
We were seated in the 'quiet' room but the next table, several feet away, were a group of loud shallow ignorant Americans, having tea to mark someone's Marathon run. I'm sorry to serious runners who might read this, but they confirmed every stereotype of the dull-as-dishwater sporty type. No conversational skills, just an analysis of each mile run, an incredulity that friends were able to track the position of the runner (um, technology, quite probably American technology), and amazement that the marathon went to places that didn't seem to be London (I assume they mean Greenwich and Woolwich, which have been part of 'London' longer than the USA has been the USA).
It slowly dawned on me that I really didn't have to listen to every loud word they said, that I wasn't eavesdropping but I was rudely having this utter tedium forced upon me. I went over and politely asked them to be quiet. One of them spoke to me rudely and insultingly. But I shouldn't have been put in that position. I'm not sure what the answer is: it would be very odd if the waiting staff policed the noise levels from each table. It's probably too much to ask ultra-competitive dullards to consider the people round them. Still, the message went home, I didn't have to endure their mind-numbing monotony any more.
Scones were followed by cakes. I was somewhat non-plussed. The promotional material for this place shows cakes that have been carefully designed to appeal to the eye as much as the tastebuds. Instead, we got this
They tasted all right, but were really quite disappointing: no better (worse, really) than you'd expect from a small cafe in a town or suburb. It's like they couldn't be bothered, as it was a Bank Holiday. The sort of thing you'd run up at home.
So, on balance it was quite a mixed experience and I'm not sure I could recommend it. Noisy table mates in a 'quiet' area, cakes not up to the standard advertised, and pretty lousy service. Another waiter was both incomprehensible and over-excitable. She listed the various items that were brought to the table, but despite asking her to repeat, and carefully reading her lips, I was still left in partial ignorance. Her enthusiasm was too much "You are having AFTERNOON tea, this is so FUN..." "You will ENJOY the cakes". You don't get that at lunch or dinner sittings at restaurants; there's something very odd - quasi-religious - about the Afternoon Tea culture, that you are instructed in how to feel and think. I saw a review on TA that described (presumably) this waiter as overbearing and inappropriate.
It was interesting being in the the old seat of London Government, County Hall. We sat in the 'library lounge' and I was amused by the selection of books, seemingly random, next to my seat.
I'm sorry I didn't get a better picture of the Easter Egg tree in the foyer
When you arrive at the Marriott County Hall, the first thing you see is this, a cheap green carpet
There's a shop on Tooting High Road that sells carpet that more closely resembles turf, but I ask myself - you're a 5 star hotel in the epicentre of one of the world's great cities, couldn't you even be bothered to buy some real turf, or perhaps plant this structure with wild flowers, you know, to look like you give a toss? First impressions count! And this underlines the lack of attention to detail experienced in the Afternoon Tea.
