First of all, apologies to all nice people from Liverpool, I really don't have anything against you, other than that I'm from Manchester, so I guess the feeling's mutual.
This morning, on the bus. Nearly empty, because it had just started its long journey from Clapham Park to Kings Cross. A Scouse woman follows me upstairs, sits down a few seats away and continues her phone conversation, loudly and in a very pronounced Scouse accent.
It was really boring. She's going to work in Manchester for six months and then maybe travel for a month. Maybe she'll visit you in Cardiff next week, or if you're coming to London, she'll sit with you for the day in hospital (Gert does 'sad face', no need to make fun of that situation, which I wouldn't wish on anyone).
She needs a new suitcase because hers is broken, the bit at the bottom, maybe she can borrow yours, because they cost forty pounds. She's got no belongings as such, just clothes and that. She'll put it on the coach because it's cheaper.
And then, as the bus is sat at the traffic lights outside Lambeth Town Hall, she comes out with:
"Her text said she'd come and pick him up, so I asked him if he was going out with her, but he denied it, so I looked at all the photos and I asked him if he'd been with these girls. I told him I loved him and would forgive him if he told me the truth, and he said, yeah, he'd been with all of them. It was a right surprise, I didn't expect him to say that. So I asked him when he'd been with them, and there was one he'd been with at Uni before me, but all the rest, he's been cheating on me all this time
"I couldn't believe it, everyone said he was perfect, such a neat player, just right for me, I knew when I met him that he was mine, everyone said, no one could believe I'd got such a perfect bloke.
She went down the stairs; I followed her, not because I'm nosey, but because the bus had arrived at the Tube station.
"But I just hate him now for what he's done. I did exactly the same to Buddy, but I don't want anyone to feel like that, so I don't think I'm going to play around and cheat on anyone in the future!"
I was so annoyed: all that time down the hill, she'd bored me stupid about a bloody suitcase. Then we get to Brixton, and suddenly, oh yeah, she's coughing the juicy bits now.
