Rubbish ways to spend New Years Eve

1. At home alone, watching TV - as I have done for the past two years. I also did this once back in the early 90s when I developed a desperately sore throat just after one of my siblings had been diagnosed with glandular fever and the other with 'query glandular fever'. It almost works if you have a backlog of films, but it still feels shite to know 'everyone else' is enjoying themself.
2. At home with one's mother watching TV. This is possible worse that 1,  because you don't even get to choose what you watch, so you have to sit through Clive James's Review of the Year and the Best of Val Doonican.
3. At a Raymond Gubbay New Year's Eve Classical Gala at the Barbican fetauring an unrehearsed pick-up orchestra and third-rate jobbing opera singers that no one has actually heard of*
4. At a 'bring-a-bottle' party where you only know the host, her partner and one other person, you're not single enough to be on the pull, it's too noisy and crowded to conduct a conversation, you end up drinking really acidy wine, and you still have to get home unmolested.
5. In a pub or even a restaurant full of random strangers who have received the message that tonight is the night to party and want to demonstrate how unconventional and rebellious they are by partying wildly and celebrating the amazing and extraordinary fact that December 21st is changing into January 1st

However, having given this due consideration, I have concluded that there is possibly a worse way to spend NYE, and I don't mean: in hospital, prison etc.

This morning, walking from Millbank to the office, I saw several piles of crash barriers and signs pointing to 'Fireworks Viewing Area', and it hit me.

Imagine spending New Year's Eve standing in a crowd of other people, kettled on Horseferry Road or some other Westminster backstreet, in order to watch 7.5 minutes of fireworks (reduced from 10 because of the credit crunch) and then walk amidst that same shuffling crowd of people to a tube or rail station to wait an hour or more to get onto an overcrowded train. All of this technically without (banned) alcohol and certainly without access to loos or seating areas.

Happy New Year everyone.

You may have gathered I'm not a big fan of NYE - forced jollity for no real reason, that only manages to happen because some people slog their guts out working in unpleasant conditions and where other people are forced to surrender their autonomy in order to survive or escape the wisdom of crowds.

I kind of get the point of why people party, but wouldn't it make far more sense to do so on the first day of Spring. In any case, does anybody actually describe a NYE party or event as fun, enjoyable or memorable - particularly in coparison to birthday and housewarming parties and spontaneous nights out! And, of course, the price for all this - Double Bubble!

*but are still far more talented that Katherine Jenkins