A few nights ago I took my seat in the opera house some ten minutes before the scheduled start. Next to me was a man, next to him was a woman. They were clearly together, as friends not life partners. They chatted, catching up on news. They certainly weren't loud but they were so near and the ambient noise was so low it was impossible not to overhear.
I learnt quite a lot. The man is from a city not far from London, home of one of the Universities collectively known as 'Oxbridge'. I assumed that he was an academic, because he said that his time is currently taken up with a particular student, helping and supporting her. He gave her full name. Neither of her names is unusual - certainly more common than mine - but in combination, unlikely to crop up more than once in a closely defined population.
She's 21 years old and 5'1" tall. I know what subject she is studying. He mentioned a name that I know to be the name of a college at that particular Oxbridge University.
He explained that he had thought at first that her psychological problems were a result of her anorexia but now realises that the anorexia is a result of her psychological problems. Part of her problem is that her family who keep pestering her, especially by text. And her family is a major cause of her psychological problems. Only two people in the world - my seatmate, and her tutor - know the precise problem.
He was asking his companion to intervene. They agreed that it was important for him merely to suggest the idea to the student, not to make her feel that he's instructing her. The companion agreed that he should mention his friend, who is going to be in _________ College on Tuesdays anyway.
I was really quite surprised by this breach of confidence, discussing some potentially very sensitive information in a public place. As it happens I don't know this young woman, but how do they know that? How do they know I'm not part of or friendly with her problematic family?
For all they know, I could use the information maliciously. Or perhaps, more likely, armed with this new knowledge I could decide to 'intervene' - or interfere - and create more problems for the daughter as a result of her revealing the great family secret to outsiders. Or that interference could cause even more pain for the family who are already struggling to cope with the very challenging behaviour of the brilliant but unstable daughter.
Or I could just be a cow and write her name, her subject, her college, her University on this blog. I am under no professional obligation to desist.
I can't actually believe that in this day and age, teachers still think they can discuss the very personal problems of a named and identifiable student in public, and that someone, who seems to be a counsellor, psychotherapist or such, did not challenge him so discussing. We confide our secrets to people we think we can trust, and we know that maybe they make an anonymised anecdote out of it. We don't expect them to discuss them openly in earshot of some random blogger.
I did wonder whether I should complain formally to the college in question.
