I know that most people had the Big Struggle Back yesterday. As I don't work Mondays, I had to face it today, even though I had managed one solitary day last week.
I don't do Christmas New Year blah de blah but I do do hibernation and slobbing. The swimming baths were closed for the two weeks, which has to be the work of a genius, when so many people are off school and work...!
I kept saying to myself I will go for a bike ride today, but then made pathetic excuses about the weather. That was, until I remembered it is traditional to hibernate and slob at this time, and thought, nah, slob and hibernate!
I seemed to have a series of conversations today either about 'this is it now, it's a long time 'til the next break' or 'isn't it cold? isn't it freezing?'. Which although humdrum and mundane has to be better than discussing Christmas hopes destined to be dashed.
I did get a bit excited on the way to work when I realised that there was not a hindrance in my way. All my struggles of the past few months through dug-up roads, diverted traffic and shifted bus-stops seemed to be over. Same on the way home, it really is amazing, not an obstacle to be found.
Except that when I stepped off the bus across the road from Gert Cottage. I saw cones. I scrutinised them closely and realised that they were turning the two-lane Westbound carriageway into one lane. No doubt to be dug up very very soon. More worryingly there is a man-at-work sign at the end of Gert Cottage Boulevard, as well as a road-narrows sign. So, back to normality on the roads being dug up.
On the way to work I noticed that Woollies was still open. I got a bit excited and resolved that today would be the day I lose my virginity. My shoplifting virginity, that is. I even confided in this to someone, who said it would be closed by the time I got there this evening and anyway it would be completely bare. He was, of course, right. But I peered dolefully in through the shutters, my last glimpse of an institution that has been part of my life since before I can remember: Altrincham, Southend, Streatham, and Brixton. I don't remember there being one in Beeston, nor, bizarrely, can I recall if there was or wasn't one in Sale, ever.
I didn't help my mission to shoplift by going swimming before I ever got as far as Woollies. Oh, that was hilarious. I had confided in a friend that, as I hadn't been for three weeks I wasn't sure how it would go, also I predicted that it would be really crowded. My confidante laughed, knowing as well as I do how many people make short-lived resolutions to get fit in the New Year.
Actually, the pool was only marginally busier than it was in, say, November. Although a helluva lot busier than it was the week before Christmas. What made me laugh more was the gym, which is a sort of balcony with big picture windows above the swimming pool. Now, that was crowded! The most telling observation in the swimming pool was the ratio of sensible one piece costumes to teeny bikinis. Normally, I would say the ratio is 9:1. Today, the bikinis won.
As soon as I got in, I realised that three weeks of near-total slobbiness had taken its toll. I knew that anyway, it was so obvious from the flabbiness that has returned round the muscles I had had oh so briefly. But then after doing a couple of lengths as a warm up, and realising that that was effortless, without increase in pulse or breathing, I felt so very pleased with myself, and remembered that in Snakes and Ladders someone eventually finishes at square 100; given enough time and abolition of sudden-death competition, everyone will get there.
I am not going to pretend that I spent ages in the pool nor that I did dozens and dozens of lengths. I stopped at the point where my thigh muscles started to ache - in a good way - and went for a soak in the shower. For the second time today, a shower simply wasn't hot enough. I don't think there is any fundamental problem with either my home shower or the one at the Recreation Centre. I think it's just about perception and I can't understand it any more than I can understand the ambient temperature in my house.
The thermostat tells me that my house, which feels really cold, is actually no colder than on one of those mild autumn nights when I come home and feel that the house is like a sauna. I know that one of the quirks of living in an old (pre-Victorian) house without hermetically-sealed plastic window frames is that there are draughts, or healthy ventilation, I call it. But surely, surely, temperature is absolute. It might take more work from the boiler to get it there, and a gas meter* spinning like a whirling dervish, but once it's there, it's temperature, surely!
By the way, I'm just being very English moaning about the weather. We don't really do weather, even though we have plenty of it. I know it isn't really cold, like cold places are cold. But it's colder than most of us pretend we can remember. Tonight's minimum is forecast to be -4, and wind chill -10, with freezing at sea level, and the max tomorrow is 3, with a wind chill of -2. So, it's just unusually cold compared to recent winters. But not like cold cold.
I have just weighed myself, purely for the sake of the blog. I now weigh six kilogrammes less than when I started swimming again in August. This means that I am now fourteen kilogrammes heavier than the maximum ideal weight for my height. Perhaps this is because of the muscles wasting away, but hopefully it is also about fat disappearing. I never set out to lose weight per se; I knew I had to get fir for life, also I wanted to reduce my dress size because I would simply have a wider choice of clothes to buy if my dress size reduced.
My muscles have increased, the fat has decreased. Most importantly, I feel better physically and psychologically. Oh, that endorphin1 glow on the bus! I believe I look better, too, at least, people have told me this. Interestingly, the one thing that hasn't changed is my dress size, because my belly still resembles a small hill and my my back muscles have strengthened. So the loss of some fat from the hips and the increased definition of my waist count for nothing!
However, by doing this slowly, by starting when it suited me not when the calendar said so, by avoiding stupid fad or crash diets, by not obsessing about food, by not deleting from my life the sensuality of taste, by incorporating a moderate and enjoyable exercise regime into my life, I firmly believe that I will transform my body in a way that will endure.
*yeah, I know, it's digital, they don't spin these days
1 did you know that this is a compound word from 'endogenous' and 'morphine'
