Gertsamtkunstwerk

Bizzarity

Thursday morning, riding the Great Glass Elevator to the office cafe, I had a random disassociated thought..."something's stirring in the woodshed", unable to remember the precise exact quote.

Thursday evening, on the Tube going home, the woman opposite me was reading a yellowed, orange covered Penguin, with the price in shillings (her mother's copy?) of...Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons.

What is the likelihood of that happening...?

Friday special

This is so very 2002 but I get so much enjoyment out of my weird and disturbing search requests.

• do thames water use hosepipe ban helicopters - urban myth. Considering that the police helicopters rely on heat-spots to detect the culprit, how exactly would a helicopter would be able to detect a hosepipe. We had ours out three or four times this summer. No feelings of guilt. Oh, that's why I hear helicopters at bedtime. TW have read the blog and psychically channelled my liking of REM's Gardening at Night
• classic e-mail address of those searching for husband
• wanking in class room To which Google asked: Did you mean: walking in class room. Probably not. My other half has a story about one of his classmates from waybackwhen
• Orgasm on a Wall street tube train Wall Street is, I presume, New York. And it's the Metro there. Nope, I didn't have an orgasm when going through Wall Street Station. What a load of bankers, I thought...
• trevor phillips + lynne featherstone having an affair Seriously?
• i am a 51 year old male transvestite but i feel young 20 year old woman are maturer than me and treat me like a child Oh for heavens sake stop whinging and get to bed. You've got school tomorrow.
• what is perfect penis size for woman I don't like to say but perhaps some basic anatomy lessons might be in order
• tesco very little helps - brilliant! It's been staring at me for months, and I can't believe I didn't think of this one myself
• +fight Parliament whip pint MP "punch-up" I bet this is a true story. We need names
• mozart the marriage of figaro does it included the tune known as 'going home'?It might. There again, it might not...
• "town hall ward councillor" - blogging like it's 2002...
• what does it mean if you keep seeing flashing lights - that you're in Blackpool?
• guy wanking brixton hill - note to self, stop writing about my Other Half
• masturbates daily 57 year old man - he's 58, actually
• vengerov orgasmic faces - I checked him out on a televised Prom and decided that, if this is the case, I'll be celibate, thank you
• reasons why dumbing down of exams charge is false - there there dear dear, exams easy? Coursework available off the internet. When I did my exams we had to do our own original work not trawl through the nether reaches of the blogosphere
• how to rec naked man prom - and in English...?
• saddam, celebrity crush - this is actually the most stomach churning search request I have ever had. Puts Donald Rumsfeld, Slash Fiction into perspective
• to this day i am unable to understand how such a simple plan went so terribly wrong - I've said before that Gordon Brown reads this blog
• sex and intercourse and everybody who is doing in spanish Fork Utah - oh yes, let's find who's doing sex and intercourse in our small town. Let's spell this out. *Everybody* has sex. It's no big deal. The damage these loon religious nutcases do to people's perception. Oh, Utah. Ah, well, we've all seen Big Love, haven't we...sniggers redefining 'fucked up'
• celebrities in loo doing a poco
• has anyone ashes been scattered at st pancras station - if they had, they'd be turning in their graves right now at the disgusting mess that has been made of the station
• a mad story about an inbred outgoing female and her quite sisters
• scarpia tosca cock - hmm, I suppose it would be consistent with the story, as he's sexually intimidating her. But, to be honest, I can't think of any Scarpia where this would improve my enjoyment
• vittorio grigolo song performed on loose women - you know, I've signed up to the Vittorio Grigolo bulletin board. My god, talk about obsessed fan grrrls
• shops that deal in stolen goods brixton - yeah, they're going to advertise on the internet, aren't they...
• how to get over someone who's becoming a priest - oh dear, oh dear...become a Pagan or a Buddhist. Gah, that'll show him
• royal albert hall without amplification tenor - yeah, what of it. Proper tenors don't need mikes, not even in the Albert Hall. Pretend tenors like Andrea Senzatalento and Russell Evenlesstalentson need mikes. That's because they're shit.
• Tony Blair encourages teenagers to have oral sex - I don't think so but if i was Benign Absolute Dictator I would cut teenage pregnancy rates with my dual approach - lesbianism and oral sex. You know, if someone asked Tony a question on this subject, he'd do that 'I'm self-conscious, everyone's looking at me' look
• find does tony robinson watch ITV 1 Programme Airline - dunno. Does it matter?
• problems with 07774 numbers - no one ever rings them sob
• how did enrico caruso protect voice ? he was a heavy smoker. - there is no evidence to suggest that Caruso's voice was affected by smoking. It must have been the anchovies he wore round his neck. Okay, the smoking killed him, at 49, but it didn't harm his voice. You'd be surprised how many top singers smoke
• hvorostovsky bdsm - it made me laugh, made me post it to a yahoo group, made me have dreams about Eyebrows chained up and melted ice cream...don't go there
• rolando villazon faenol faye - well, there was nothing in her txts that I can blame my dream on
• caroline flints tits sexy/topless - yes, yes we know Caroline Flint is Britain's sexiest MP. I don't imagine for a moment that that is what got her to be a Minister or is the basis on which to judge her as a minister. You know, it really pisses me off that when women choose to pursue cerebral careers, they still get judged on their looks and appearance exponentially more than men do
• sexual intercourse in royal opera house - oh heck, this will no doubt impact upon my dreams. Maybe not tonight, but one night
• outlook express change from freeserve to wanadoo to orange problems - I know someone who's had nothing but problems with their broadband since wanadoo became orange. So bad, they're switching providers
• what do I required to receive bbc1, bbc2 etc. in almeria - take your TV set from home; it's already tuned in, so you will be fine
• accounting assignment on tosca - what?
• timperley "nice place to live" - no, it isn't. It's suburbia at its worse. Just awful. Although it has a pretty good Primary School
• could I wear beige shoes with a black dress - you could, but it would look stupid. Especially if you're a bloke
• petticoat discipline monthly sept 06 - yes, I'm in there. Wow, does this magazine exist? The number and range of niche markets never fails to amaze me
• what's cause irritating sex organ after sex video - is that filming it, or, er hum, watching it?
• first time sex at 40 - Whata waste of two decades. Look, if people honestly choose to stay celibate all that time, fine, their choice. But I doubt that it really is an informed choice. All that religious brainwashing. I remember a few years ago there was a rash of magazine articles from some woman who decided to lecture the rest of us about the advantage of being a vigin at 29 or whatever. She projected some very warped notions. Stuff like, well, if you have sex with a bloke and he beats you to a pulp it's your own fault for having sex. Or if you have sex with a bloke and then you find out your greatgran just died, you'll have that on your conscience for the rest of your life. Never crossed her stupid mind that some women enjoy sex, or feel that it strengthens a relationship. Or assists relaxation.
• sexy hot queen cleopatra fucking julius caesar - technically correct, but somehow missing the bigger point of geopolitics

Rumours from Westminster Village

Rumour has it that David "Dave" Cameron and George "The Boy" Osborne have had a massive falling out.

I know, I know, half of you are saying "Who?"; the rest are saying "Who cares?"

Chopper Watch

It may seem to the casual reader that I am becoming increasingly obsessed by helichoppers but readers with a long memory will recall this is nothing new (see November 2003...)

It all started with the show trial of the hand-lotion-and-etchasketch bombers just across the way the other week, as detailed in the exciting saga of Me, the Ex-Minister and the Blue Rubber Gloves

Since then, Gert Cottage has been haunted by helichoppers. Normally at bedtime. Just when I want a moment or two of still as I hit the pillow.

I accept the inevitability of helichoppers at home. Poised strategically at the junction of two major A-roads and almost within view of a prison, in a high crime area, there will always be helicopters.

But it seems to be every night at the moment. I saw something on the TV about how railway line grafitti and vandalism hotspots are being targeted by police helicopter, and I suppose that might be an explanation. I don't regard myself as living near a railway line, but, actually, the sidings and sheds of Streatham Hill and the complexities of Tulse Hill are not too far to the South and East respectively, with lines running through densely populated areas.

Although another set of vaseline-and-vibrator bombers were up in front of the beak at Westminster Magistrates it was very low key. Satellite TV vans seemed to outnumber the curious public. Police presence appeared to be minimal, although what does a casual momentary passer-by really know?

And a helicopter hovered. All morning. In one place. It seemed to have nothing to do with Westminster Magistrates, being that it was some distance to the North East, more or less over Parliament.

I imagine it's probably something to do with meejah coverage of shenanigans in the Labour Party. But it seems entirely pointless.

Parliament isn't sitting, so why bother even sending reporters there? And gusess what folks, Tony Blair isn't going to resign today, and even if he does, there won't exactly be a motorcade from No. 10 to the Palace,  because I am almost 100% certain that Queenie is at Balmoral. She usually is at this time of year.

The more I hover around Westminster Village,  the more cynical I get about the posturing and pointlessness of our major news media providers. Now that's what I call an easy job, posing and preening on College Green, pouring forth empty speculation. sure as hell beats working for a living.

A Ring for Los Angeles

New `Ring' Cycle at L.A. Opera

The source of funding is no surprise to those of us who have spies all over the blogosphere.

"This new production will not be a tremendously expensive" Ring,'' Domingo predicted.

I think we can assume that this won't be the George "Star Wars" Lucas Ring, then...

And you would have thought that the Press could have taken a picture of Siegmund from a better angle...

more and here and here

Update: A video clip of the announcement by the General Director of LA Opera. It's supposed to be almost 13 minutes but I can only manage to get as far as 3:30 minutes.

Dream Come True...

This is quite possibly, at least for the moment, my favourite YouTube clip. Plácido singing "It's Now or Never", which I remember seeing on the telly way back when, not so very long after I first fell in love with him.

Sadly, it also contains the nightmare that is Andrew Lloyd-Webber (and the wonderful Suzi Quatro) singing 'Oh boy'

hat-tip to Raffe

First Emperor to be filmed...

Met announces plan to simulcast opera to millions in US, Canada and Europe

The Metropolitan Opera will transmit six live performances to movie theaters and will broadcast more than 100 live performances over the Internet or on digital radio in a groundbreaking attempt to expand its audience. The high definition satellite simulcasts to hundreds of movie theaters in North America and Europe will begin Dec. 30 with Julie Taymor's English language adaptation of Mozart's "Magic Flute" under the baton of James Levine. Other productions scheduled for simulcast are "I Puritani," starring soprano Ann Netrebko (Jan. 6); the Jan. 13 world premiere of Tan Dun's "The First Emperor" with Placido Domingo in the title role; "Eugene Onegin," starring Renee Fleming and Dmitri Hvorostovsky and conducted by Valerie Gergiev (Feb. 24); the new production of "The Barber of Seville" with Juan Diego Florez (March 24); and the new production of "Il Trittico," conducted by Levine and directed by Jack O'Brien (April 28).

More cause for stress. January 13th. Will Brixton Ritzy or Clapham Picture House show it? Surely some cinema somewhere in London? This is stressful.

Although I wouldn't get too excited about ''High definition". My understanding is that NTSC HD is about as clear as PAL or SECAM normal. If that.

Still, any excuse for an opera post. I have got nothing planned until Faust on 27 September and then only if I'm not holiday. Gerald Finley has cancelled our date for next week. He's ill. (Would it be very stalker-ish to send a 'get well' card to his home address?).

I'm thinking of going to Gaddafi the Opera at ENO but the dates don't look that great for me. I think I'll probably be able to get a ticket just by turning up at the door.

Cancel Today

Once upon a time, a long long time ago, a young and much-loved Leader of the Opposition appeared on Desert Island Discs to choose his eight favourite records. Legend has it he was egged on by a friend who worked in PR for a record company, or something don't regard this an authoratitive source and chose an unknown song by an unknown band.

In a bizarre twist of fate, what came on my mp3 player this evening on the way home? Of nearly 4,000 tracks it could have chosen, it chose this wonderful track by Ezio...

Pull back the curtains
Let the sunlight stream in
And let it light up your eyes
And lay its warmth upon your skin

Come over here
Just lay for a while
Let's do nothing
And let's do it with style

And run where you should be now tomorrow
Just run where you should be now tomorrow

I could bring you some tea
And something to eat
Then we'll step over the bills
And down into the street

And walk down the road
Or drive to the sea
We'll do what you want
Please do it with me

And run where you should be now tomorrow
Just run where you should be now tomorrow

I could call up your work
And say you're not well enough to go
As long as we're both discreet
No I really don't think that they will ever know

And there's no work for me
No and the world stops turning when you're not here
And it's good that your're free
You say I'm your man
Well now he needs you near

So run where you should be now tomorrow
Just run where you should be now tomorrow

Just run away
Can't face you getting up and leaving today
Is there anyway that I'll convince you to stay
To stay
To stay
Today...
Let's cancel today

It has never been established whether the Right Hon Tone - for it were he - is actually a fan of Ezio. If so, he might have had thoughts of this song this morning.

Tom Watson resigns

This is not a good day to be at work. Lots happening, glimpses on BBC News 24. No time to absorb or blog it.

Tom's resignation letter

Tom's blog, not (yet) updated.

I left him a comment, not (yet) approved. Congratulating him on not being the cyncial unprincipled careerist hack I had him down to be...

And then there's nothing quite like a disgruntled ex-minister

Fears over nuclear terror threat

I agree

Tony Blair and 1990

MMofM has been a politics-free zone for too long.

Time to up the ante.

I will state now: I like Tony Blair. I have a lot of criticisms of him. Regarding the war in Iraq, I will never forgive him. Blood on his hands. What is most frustrating is that he still believes it was the 'right' thing to do. And in some stupid way I think he is genuine. I find his idealistic belief of doing the 'right' thing to be worse than cynical stupid arrogant power-crazy Bush willy-waving.

And I'm angry at the way that Tony has squandered such goodwill from the electorate, and has allowed the unconscionable foreign policy to dominate political discourse at the expense of the Domestic Agenda.

I don't subscribe to the pendulum theory of electoral politics. It's too simple a psephology. Most people don't radically change their views, principles or policies. What does change is the emphasis people put on different aspects; turn-out can affect an election result; also the willingness to vote for the third party, rather than one's favoured, to get rid of the 'other' party.

And there is oppositionalism. Some of it positive: in a democracy is it vital that people scrutinise and criticise all those that hold power. It is possible to do that and stay loyal, it is also possible to do that and change allegiance. There is also a negative, nihilist, anti-everything standpoint. "I don't like what The Government is doing so I'll carp from the sidelines but not offer a sensible alternative". Regardless of who 'The Government' is.

In Autumn 1990, I watched the fall of Thatcher. At the time with barely disguised glee. Although I later realised that the toppling of Thatch was crucial to the Tories winning the 1992 election.

To put it simply, Tony has to go. He said years ago he did not want to go on and on like Thatch, living an increasingly surreal existence divorced from the concerns of the population, deluded and illusional, unnaysayable and trapped in a belief in their own insuperability.

There is so much that has been achieved by the Labour Government since 1997, stuff that people take for granted and then say, in the same breath, "What's this government done ?".

Some of it has been inadequate to achieve what was intended. Some of it has brought about unintended consequences. Some has been misguided despite its worthiness. Some has had inevitable consequences, and politics is often about the electorate's view of whether the consequences are worth the remedy (eg healthy economy leads to more economic immigration).

But the Labour Government has not run out of ideas (possibly the criticism remains that there too many ideas), is not bending in the wind to pick up every passing fad, bereft of substance, like the Tories, and isn't a rudderless leaderless irrelevance like the LibDims.

The personality of the Leader shouldn't matter for a political party. But it does. And it's time for a change at the top.

Oh, there's a relevant link here: Minister joins Blair exit demands

Anyone dare go over to Tom Watson's blog and shout "Splitter!"?

Steve Irwin RIP

'Crocodile Hunter' Irwin killed

I'm not a watcher of wildlife documentaries but they are much watched in Gert Cottage, and one could hardly not be aware of Steve Irwin.

It's hardly a surprise that he was killed doing what he was famous for doing, but 44 is no age to die. I just think the world will be a poorer place for his going but a richer place for him having lived.

He stopped Australian Government plans to allow rich tourists into the Northern Territory to kill crocodiles for sport. He brought the beauty of nature back to millions through his documentaries. And he showed that if you love doing something, then you should put all your passion into doing it.

Interview with Plácido and Rolando

Plácido Domingo da la alternativa en la zarzuela a Rolando Villazón

Nothing on the telly...

Most of the time anyway...

However, tonihgt at 9 o'clock we could be watching:

• Al Qaeda, Time to Talk on BBC2
• Midsomer Murders on ITV
• Gala Operatig Gwyl Y Faenol on S4C (featuring Rolando juggling while singing while swigging from a can of Tennants Extra), which also partly clashes with West Wing on More 4
• Beethoven's 9th on BBC4 (which also clashes with Faenol and West Wing)
• Blackbeard on Sky One (Jimmy, not me), not to be ocnfused with BBC1's Blackbeard that starts next week.

Fortunately, we can receive two at once, and many of them are repeated later in the night or the week.

But even so, I find it frustrating that so much of the week is taken up with garbage than there is this unmanageable list at 9pm on Sunday - which I assume is peak peak peak viewing time...

Update: Well, the Beethoven 9 dilemma is solved by cancellation after small fire

Wot, no Beethoven 9 at the Proms? Is this the end of civilisation?

Proms in the Park

Next weekend, as well as Last Night of the Proms, is also Proms in the Park.

I thought that the purpose of LNotP is a bit of an end of term knees-up and shindig. Tradition dictates that Part 1 is shown on BBC2 because it's a bit intellekshual and Part 2 is shown on BBC1 so that the common masses (but not so common that their box is tuned to ITV) can enjoy the familiar toons and jingoism.

And because the Albert Hall only holds 6000 or whatever, they invented Proms in the Park, in an ever optimistic hope that the British weather will be dry-and-fine midway into September. In principle, a Bloody Good Idea, especially when it also brings in Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland and that non-country known as The North. Parks can hold tens of thousands of people.

The Hyde Park features Angela Gheorghiou, Alison Balsom and Vittorio Grigolo, entirely consistent with the concept of light-hearted 'accessible' classical music.

They also feature Lionel Ritchie and a Madness Tribute Band.

Why?

I quite like Lionel Richie's records, and certainly did so in the Eighties. I love Madness. This, however, is the BBC. A Tribute Band? Isn't that what you're supposed to do for a Girls Night Out, Office Party, whatever. I'm sure in the right place a Madness Tribute Band, if they were any good, would be fun.

I can't see any benefit in mixing genres in such a judderingly juxtaposed way. If I'm in pop mode or mood I'll listen to pop; if I'm in the mood for a star soprano, rising tenor and talented trumpeter, I'll listen to them.

I think it's extremely patronising for them to imply that somehow the only way the great unwashed of the British public will come to see a star soprano, a rising tenor and a talented trumpeter is by tempting them in with a has-been MOR crooner and a pastiche of a historic rock band.

Lionel Richie and "Madness" says my age-group, and my age-group is a crucial demograph because we all have children young enough to be dragged with us when we go out on Saturday night. But I can't imagine many children being dragged in by Lionel Richie and Pretend Madness.

I would have thought as human beings we are all capable of operating at different levels. They don't drag people into watching cricket by tantalising snippets of football. Some of us might read a chicklit novel one day and a weighty historical biography the next. We snack on comfort food on Friday and eat a quality three course meal with fine wine on Saturday.

So why should something which is billed 'the world's greatest classical music festival' be mongrelised with Lionel Madness and Pretend Richie, as if somehow they make Angela Gheorghiu, Alison Balsom and Vittorio Grigolo more palatable? I don't have a bag of crisps and a glass of Ribena in-between courses at an Italian restaurant, and I don't expect to read about Big Knickers and depilation in a book about geopolitics. Even though I am quite happy to sit down and read Bridget Jones whilst sipping my Ribena with Lionel Richie on the stereo.

Maybe I would have gone to PitP for Angela and Vittorio, but I don't want to be at a place where the audience is treated as idiots. So instead I'll probably watch the Proper Prom on the telly. But only if nothing else crops up (if so I'll record it, just for Dima).

Update: having written and proofread this and searched for links I have just realised that Roberto Alagna and Chas and Dave will also be appearing. I can't be bothered to go back and amend, but just so you know...

Unconnected thoughts on TV

A couple of programmes grazed my radar this week.

One was Newsnight, who did an extended profile of John Reid. Fairly interesting, but do you know what really annoyed me? The reporter, bimbo with a meagre IQ, did a piece where she was filmed outside the various departments he has held office. "Department of Defence" she said.

No, it's the Ministry of Defence. Talk about Dumbed Down TV. If a 'political' correspondent on Newsnight - yes, Newsnight, not the Natasha Kaplinsky dumb bimbo show - can't get right the name of a major government Department that hasn't changed in my political life, really what the hell is going on with the BBC? I would be more forgiving if it was live, but there was no way one can move form Department of Defence to Interior Ministry to Department of Commie Socialised Medicine in seconds. I wonder how she got the job - because she has detailed knowledge of the British Political System, or because she's a twenty something blonde with big tits? And who edited the report?

I hope I never see her again on Newsnight, which used to be a reliable source of information.

The other programme is Respectable. NSFW. I thought it was excellent, I laughed out loud involuntarily. A sitcom set in a suburban brothel. As long as you're not a prude, give it a watch.

But then I googled and got a petition against it.

We, the undersigned, believe that Channel 5’s new sitcom, 'Respectable', due to be screened in August 2006, about women selling sex in a brothel as subject of humour is a gross misrepresentation of the lives of women involved in prostitution. The reality for most women involved in prostitution is coercion, extreme violence, drug dependency, homelessness, criminal records, rapes and beatings - not shoe collections and student loans.

And now I feel on the horns of a dilemma. I do so agree with the sentiments expressed. But I'm not sure that I feel comfortable condemning the programme. It is genuinely funny. But I argued when BdeJ won the Guardian best blog award, it really is not an accurate representation of prostitution, which is nasty, whatever gloss someone tries to put on it. So I 'm not sure that consistency allows me to endorse a sitcom set in a suburban brothel.

Design for Life

Up to Sheffield and back in a day.

On arrival at some or other station there was a PA announcement to be careful leaving the train because of the step or gap or whatever. It's a perennial problem. I have problems at Clapham Junction, and if I sit too far forward, I can almost not get off at Streatham Hill. I wonder why, in the nearly two hundred year history of railways, no one has considered standardising train/platform heights. I appreciate it would take time and money. But they've had two hundred years to work towards it.

I walked from the office in Sheffield to the rail station. A lot has changed since I was last there and I was slightly confused. I came upon the 'Interchange', a bus station alongside a tram station. I was a bit dubious about walking through it. I followed the signs and suddenly realised that I was walking under perspex shelters all the way to the rail station. Bloody hell, what a good idea. Well done Sheffield! I remember trips in times gone by when negotiating the route from town centre to railway station in Ipswich and Southampton was a kamikaze mission. Ipswich involved crossing a busy road, full of lorries going to the port, without a pedestrian crossing and, in places, a pavement. So, that's really going to encourage people to use public transport, isn't it? Why is it that time after time Sheffield and South Yorkshire manages to do the right thing and other places can't. We only have a planet to save.

I had time to spare so I browsed around WH Smiths. I thought for a moment about buying Girl With a Onetrack Mind, but decided there is something bizarre about buying a book based on a blog when the blog's there. (Okay, Scaryduck's oeuvre is on my wishlist, but I regard Alastair as a friend and anyway I've already commented that I'm waiting until 'New and Used' falls below a fiver...)

I went out and lurked in that very 'station' way. Then I spotted the BBC Music Magazine from afar, so I thought I would see what the CD is, and have a browse through on the train. I walked over and reached up to get it. Four times I tried and I was about to squawk for help when, with a hop, skip and a jump, I managed to grab it (I never get the front copy, always go to the back). I got quite light headed and dizzy in the effort; I know it had Anna Netrebko on the front cover, and, although she's the soprano I'd fancy if I fancied sopranos, I really don't think that was the cause of my dizziness.

I had a bit of a good-natured moan to the woman on the till, saying that it's ridiculous that the pornographic mags are within easy reach and yet something like the BBC Music Magazine, which is hardly high brow intellectual, is out of reach. I said I don't like pornography being so blatantly displayed, and anyway, surely most of the consumers of that sort of stuff can reach the top shelf, whereas I can't. She made some comment that apparently the magazines to which I refer count as 'normal' despite the porn on the cover, and it's all decided by a designer. Disparagingly, she said "A man, no doubt..."

Some few hours later the train arrived at St Pancras. I hate St Pancras with a vengeance. What in god's name have they done to it. I was there last year, but never got round to blogging my distaste. It used to be a beautiful station, redolent of a bygone age, where the waiting traveller could revel in the cathedral-like architecture. My memory tells me it was designed by Isambard Kingdom Brunel; if not him, clearly by someone under his influence. Beautiful brickwork, arches, iron.

Now it has been totally horribilised. The graceful arches are gone and the station is a cheap eyesore of chrome and plastic. Rather than strolling in off the street and onto the concourse, it is now a labyrinth of airport-style consumer's paradise, and up the escalators to get to the trains. I can't quite work out what they have done, but I think they have completely rebuilt the platforms a level higher than they used to be.

And guess what, for all the so-called glories of 21st century design, it doesn't work. There is far too big a step/gap from the train. Not too bad for me, I just had my rucksack. But I saw people struggling with luggage, disability and pushchairs. This is the reality of the 21st century...and, let's not kid ourselves, the 19th century, too. But this massive engineering project has failed in one basic test. It does not simplify the boarding of and disembarkation from trains. I am truly puzzled about this. And it looks dreadful.

Mozart Prom

Not much of a clue, I have to admit. There has been rather a lot of them. And, to be honest, six minutes into the one I am going to review I had already drafted my blog post "I'm just about Mozarted-out for 2006. Call me again in ten years or whatever..."

And I have to say Sunday's Prom was not exactly designed to make one like Mozart.

Mozart, reconstr. Philippe A. Autexier: Meistermusik, for men's chorus and orchestra, (original version of Masonic Funeral Music, K477)
Mozart: Symphony No. 39 in E-flat major, K543

Mozart, compl. Sussmayr: Requiem in D minor, K626

The main problem was the orchestra. And the choir. And I suppose, the conductor. But the choice of repertoire was not exactly inspired. The Meistermusik was boring. I am not a great fan of most of Mozart's symphonies and I can't say this one did anything for me.

The problem was an intimate Period Ensemble in the Albert Hall. I'm sure they would have been lovely in a smaller more intimate venue like the Barbican or the Festival Hall...But they were shite in the Albert Hall. Oh, all the right notes, basically in the right places and most of them on pitch. But no passion.

After the interval was Mozza's Requiem. This is not his best mass by a long shot. The C major (Coronation) is exponentially better. In my opinion, which, on this blog is all that matters, anyway...And it was not a great performance.

For some bizarre reason I have three versions of this in my collection, and two on my mp3player. I think I first really came across it in the film, Amadeus, and it's often used in documentaries of his life. There's a sense of doom running through it, especially noticeable in the introduction. But that just failed to come through, a lack of boom. boom. boom. coming from the bass, instrumental or choral. In fact a general lack of vim and a lingering aura of inertia. Jimmy didn't like it. "Requiem, bloody depressing. I don't got to Church on Sundays to sing bloody hymns. Is this supposed to be a night out?"

But the soloists were the salvation. Ingeborg Danz (ms) and Alfred Reiter (bs) were okay, and Carolyn Sampson and Mark Padmore were gorgeous. Really gorgeous.

Now, let me look at the professional reviews...

Telegraph

On Sunday night, Philippe Herreweghe, conducting the Collegium Vocale Gent and the Orchestre des Champs-Élysées, proved to be the right man at the right moment. Mozart's Symphony No 39 had impetus, clarity and healthy rhythms. And then with a front-rank quartet of soloists in Carolyn Sampson, Ingeborg Danz, Mark Padmore and Alfred Reiter, the performance of Mozart's Requiem was lean in terms of articulation but well-fed with spirituality and humanity.

Sort of what I said, really.

And the Times, kind of quite different from what I said, but I think we agree, broadly.

The Independent

The Requiem came over as reverential but not urgent. Symphony 39 bounced along nicely but a reconstruction of Mozart's anguished Masonic Funeral Music using men's voices in the plainchant, was a damp squib.

And I'm not out of kilter with Simon writing in omh, whom I'd chatted to before the concert.

So, after all, I'm not going mad and suffering from overMozart.

Most of my 2006 Promming has been done from the sofa or computer chair and I have been trying to catch most things if I'm in. It was quite a little Mozart feat this week. Tuesday's was all nice and pleasant but did rather serve to confirm my view that one can have too much of the boy Mozza, or indeed the man Mozza. It's all these symphonies. The thing is, they're all very nice, but after a while, the niceness has one yearning for a bit of Beethoven or Wagner mood and gloom, dark psychotic forces at work.

Or maybe some jazz-type stuff. Now, I don't like jazz, but this was televised on Wednesday night and I remembered my vow that I would try and catch as much as possible. Charlie Hazlewood conducting and presenting for TV. Is there no end to his talents?

I love that Ibert Divertissement, one of the best pieces that has been in the Proms all season. So far. I would have sworn that I knew neither the composer nor the music but once the band started playing it was very familiar. Hmm.  The Weill and the Gershwin were lovely, and would probably appear on my compilation "Now That's What I Call Crossover" but I'm afraid the obligatory 'new' piece was a load of wank and toss, like just about every 'new' piece I have heard this year (Magnus Lindbergh aside). I'm sorry, maybe I'm getting old, but it's just NOISE. Sort of makes me yearn for 21st Century pop music.

By Thursday night I was feeling a lot more disposed towards Mozart. the Andante from Piano Concerto 21 had enticed me on my mp3 player as I sat on the train and Soave sia il vento had wooed me as I walked through Sheffield City Centre. So I was more up for 23 piano by the evening, especially as it was accompanied by a rather splendidly large Symphony Orchestra that also played the large Bruckner.

So by this evening I didn't know what to think.

The Mozart 25 was very nice, very lively, taken at a spanking pace. Great piece of music? No, I don't think so, when you consider how many Mozart works are better. A lot of people wrote better symphonies. But I do like it. Not a contendah for Gert's Top 100, though.

Hanspeter Kyburz's Noesis was undoubtedly the worst piece of amusical pretentious rubbish I have heard in the Proms all season, up against some pretty stiff competition. I have decided that the idea of violins and cellos being made to sound like saws is not music, it's sound effects and doesn't belong on a concert platform. I'm going to buy Jimmy some wax crayons and he's going to scribble meaninglessly on the back of a cereal packet and enter it for the BBC4 Proms art competition, saying it was inspired by Noesis.

The Debussy was boring, but I expected that of Debussy.

So it was a relief when Mozart 40 came on and was taken at a spanking rattle. First movement 'made famous by ringtones the world over'. Second movement, quite possibly one of the very greatest orchestral movements ever written. Oh god yes, I've just remembered, Mozart was an utter fucking genius. Thank you, Sir Simon,  for reminding me of this fact I shouldn't have forgotten. I should of course have read my own blogpost from when I heard it in January. Maybe I should have studied the programme notes, been prepared. but what a glorious beautiful surprise to have that gorgeous music floating away from the TV and into my soul.

Just over a week to go. Sunday is Beethoven 9. Don't know any of the soloists, not that that necessarily matters. It's Beethoven's 9th. Then Monday is Beethoven 5 and Tchaik 5. Both on BBC4. Some massive orchestral forces at work all week, and we have a final Mozart-orgy on Friday with another of his excellent symphonies, and his fantastic C minor Mass, finishing with an unusually attractive Last Night, with a heavy Russian theme. I think we can all safely say we are greatly looking forward to the Mr Haughty-Russkie letting his magnificent hair down for Land of Hope and Glory and Auld Lang Syne. I hope he won't glare when people let off the dissonant party horns.

When was the last time we had a tenor at the Last Night? I think we're about due to have a tenor next year.

100 or 78?

UK's oldest worker turns 100

I do recall a couple of years that Buster walked over to me in the Crown and Sceptre and asked me to guess his age. Now, I never guess ages. So he told me "Ninety three!". "Never!" I said "You don't look a day over eighty!"

He's been all over the media celebrating his 100th birthday. Jimmy's known him thirty years, his friend Bobby fifty. Seventy eight, says Bobby. All the time he's been going on about his age, he's never prouced a birth certificate.

Barred from the Goose in Streatham for slapping a woman.