This is so very 2002 but I get so much enjoyment out of my weird and disturbing search requests.
- do thames water use hosepipe ban helicopters - urban myth. Considering that the police helicopters rely on heat-spots to detect the culprit, how exactly would a helicopter would be able to detect a hosepipe. We had ours out three or four times this summer. No feelings of guilt. Oh, that's why I hear helicopters at bedtime. TW have read the blog and psychically channelled my liking of REM's Gardening at Night
- classic e-mail address of those searching for husband
- wanking in class room To which Google asked: Did you mean: walking in class room. Probably not. My other half has a story about one of his classmates from waybackwhen
- Orgasm on a Wall street tube train Wall Street is, I presume, New York. And it's the Metro there. Nope, I didn't have an orgasm when going through Wall Street Station. What a load of bankers, I thought...
- trevor phillips + lynne featherstone having an affair Seriously?
- i am a 51 year old male transvestite but i feel young 20 year old woman are maturer than me and treat me like a child Oh for heavens sake stop whinging and get to bed. You've got school tomorrow.
- what is perfect penis size for woman I don't like to say but perhaps some basic anatomy lessons might be in order
- tesco very little helps - brilliant! It's been staring at me for months, and I can't believe I didn't think of this one myself
- +fight Parliament whip pint MP "punch-up" I bet this is a true story. We need names
- mozart the marriage of figaro does it included the tune known as 'going home'?It might. There again, it might not...
- "town hall ward councillor" - blogging like it's 2002...
- what does it mean if you keep seeing flashing lights - that you're in Blackpool?
- guy wanking brixton hill - note to self, stop writing about my Other Half
- masturbates daily 57 year old man - he's 58, actually
- vengerov orgasmic faces - I checked him out on a televised Prom and decided that, if this is the case, I'll be celibate, thank you
- reasons why dumbing down of exams charge is false - there there dear dear, exams easy? Coursework available off the internet. When I did my exams we had to do our own original work not trawl through the nether reaches of the blogosphere
- how to rec naked man prom - and in English...?
- saddam, celebrity crush - this is actually the most stomach churning search request I have ever had. Puts Donald Rumsfeld, Slash Fiction into perspective
- to this day i am unable to understand how such a simple plan went so terribly wrong - I've said before that Gordon Brown reads this blog
- sex and intercourse and everybody who is doing in spanish Fork Utah - oh yes, let's find who's doing sex and intercourse in our small town. Let's spell this out. *Everybody* has sex. It's no big deal. The damage these loon religious nutcases do to people's perception. Oh, Utah. Ah, well, we've all seen Big Love, haven't we...sniggers redefining 'fucked up'
- celebrities in loo doing a poco
- has anyone ashes been scattered at st pancras station - if they had, they'd be turning in their graves right now at the disgusting mess that has been made of the station
- a mad story about an inbred outgoing female and her quite sisters
- scarpia tosca cock - hmm, I suppose it would be consistent with the story, as he's sexually intimidating her. But, to be honest, I can't think of any Scarpia where this would improve my enjoyment
- vittorio grigolo song performed on loose women - you know, I've signed up to the Vittorio Grigolo bulletin board. My god, talk about obsessed fan grrrls
- shops that deal in stolen goods brixton - yeah, they're going to advertise on the internet, aren't they...
- how to get over someone who's becoming a priest - oh dear, oh dear...become a Pagan or a Buddhist. Gah, that'll show him
- royal albert hall without amplification tenor - yeah, what of it. Proper tenors don't need mikes, not even in the Albert Hall. Pretend tenors like Andrea Senzatalento and Russell Evenlesstalentson need mikes. That's because they're shit.
- Tony Blair encourages teenagers to have oral sex - I don't think so but if i was Benign Absolute Dictator I would cut teenage pregnancy rates with my dual approach - lesbianism and oral sex. You know, if someone asked Tony a question on this subject, he'd do that 'I'm self-conscious, everyone's looking at me' look
- find does tony robinson watch ITV 1 Programme Airline - dunno. Does it matter?
- problems with 07774 numbers - no one ever rings them sob
- how did enrico caruso protect voice ? he was a heavy smoker. - there is no evidence to suggest that Caruso's voice was affected by smoking. It must have been the anchovies he wore round his neck. Okay, the smoking killed him, at 49, but it didn't harm his voice. You'd be surprised how many top singers smoke
- hvorostovsky bdsm - it made me laugh, made me post it to a yahoo group, made me have dreams about Eyebrows chained up and melted ice cream...don't go there
- rolando villazon faenol faye - well, there was nothing in her txts that I can blame my dream on
- caroline flints tits sexy/topless - yes, yes we know Caroline Flint is Britain's sexiest MP. I don't imagine for a moment that that is what got her to be a Minister or is the basis on which to judge her as a minister. You know, it really pisses me off that when women choose to pursue cerebral careers, they still get judged on their looks and appearance exponentially more than men do
- sexual intercourse in royal opera house - oh heck, this will no doubt impact upon my dreams. Maybe not tonight, but one night
- outlook express change from freeserve to wanadoo to orange problems - I know someone who's had nothing but problems with their broadband since wanadoo became orange. So bad, they're switching providers
- what do I required to receive bbc1, bbc2 etc. in almeria - take your TV set from home; it's already tuned in, so you will be fine
- accounting assignment on tosca - what?
- timperley "nice place to live" - no, it isn't. It's suburbia at its worse. Just awful. Although it has a pretty good Primary School
- could I wear beige shoes with a black dress - you could, but it would look stupid. Especially if you're a bloke
- petticoat discipline monthly sept 06 - yes, I'm in there. Wow, does this magazine exist? The number and range of niche markets never fails to amaze me
- what's cause irritating sex organ after sex video - is that filming it, or, er hum, watching it?
- first time sex at 40 - Whata waste of two decades. Look, if people honestly choose to stay celibate all that time, fine, their choice. But I doubt that it really is an informed choice. All that religious brainwashing. I remember a few years ago there was a rash of magazine articles from some woman who decided to lecture the rest of us about the advantage of being a vigin at 29 or whatever. She projected some very warped notions. Stuff like, well, if you have sex with a bloke and he beats you to a pulp it's your own fault for having sex. Or if you have sex with a bloke and then you find out your greatgran just died, you'll have that on your conscience for the rest of your life. Never crossed her stupid mind that some women enjoy sex, or feel that it strengthens a relationship. Or assists relaxation.
- sexy hot queen cleopatra fucking julius caesar - technically correct, but somehow missing the bigger point of geopolitics
