Long term readers will have been regaled over the years with varying details of my mystery illness*. More recent ones will be aware of the clinical drug trial I am currently undertaking.
The illness has two main manifestations, pain and tiredness, which exacerbate each other.
The two factors are particularly severe around the time of my period. To the extent that anybody keeping track of my sick absences would be forced to comment on how regular my cycle is**.
Having survived more than twenty years with little or no premenstrual pain, having even sat through exams and thought 'ow, that's a bit uncomfortable, now where was I?' it has been extra galling to experience debilitating pain so frequently. Admittedly, some of this is the ageing process, but the problems have been particularly acute in the past two or three years.
I don't get paid when I'm off sick. I am in the process of applying for 'pay at pension rate'. If this is only £10 a day it should wipe out my overdraft. So I don't want to take time off.
Yesterday, as expected, I felt the first grumblings of pain. I decided, and said to manager "I'm not feeling great, I'm good enough now but will be worse tomorrow. With your permission, I shall work at home. I don't know how much I shall do, Thursday and Friday, but if it's only five hours, that will be reflected in my time-sheet." I outlined the tasks I could reasonably do at home (like, writing three reports). He endorsed my decision without prying or querying or arguing (his attitude encourages me to be honest; partly because he has a unique insight into my condition and partly because he's a decent human being).
Bizarrely I don't feel too bad today, and know I will feel better tomorrow. I have not resorted to painkillers, although a warm bath has been welcome. And I shall take an afternoon nap. Because I can. But unless you have suffered the pain I have for the past two years or so, you will have no idea how good it feels to have a mild niggly pain rather than a doubling up in tear-filled agony overdosing on Nurofen Plus.
Is this the effect of the secret code-named drug? Or is it merely the psychological belief that it's making a difference? I don't know. That's why they have statistically valid double-blinds. But the evidence from the US and Japan is that it works. And I am inclined to think there is evidence from Brixton Hill Clapham Park that it works.
* diagnosed alternatively as CFS or fibromyalgia
** or else make an idiotic observation "Suspicious how she seems to go off sick on a four weekly basis. Must be malinger."
