I stole this from Chaucer's Bitch
1. Have you had sex in the past 24 hours? No, it's not the weekend yet. But I do think about sex quite often
2. Are you gay? No, but if I was a lot younger I might be bi, but only in that 'straight girls doing straight girls' way
3. Do you have hairy legs? Yes, doesn't everybody? Actually, they are currently in need of attention. And my toenails need cutting.
4. Do you smoke anything? Cigarettes, constantly
5. Do you like monkeys? I'm indifferent. Except to gibbons (sorry, there's a joke there that only a very few readers will get)
6. How many fillings do you have? None. Bitch-dentist-woman said that if I don't give up smoking I'll get cavities. I said "I'm 36, how many other 36 year old filling-less patients do you have (the observant will notice how long ago it is I went to see bitch-dentist-woman.) She said a lot of people give up smoking when they see the TV ads, I said I don't watch TV ads. She said that most people give up when they see the TV ads. I said I'm not one of those people who sit watching TV ads in order to be told what to do. I fast forward through them. So much for preventative health. I keep meaning to find a new, not-bitch-woman dentist.
7. Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? This must be of American origin. I love swimming in the sea. I've only swum in the 'ocean' on two holidays. I've never swum in a lake.
8. Have you ever licked one of those square batteries? I couldn't imagine why I would want to!
9. Have you ever read the Bible? Bits. Mainly the bits that get read at Mass. Although I've only been to Mass about four times since I've been blogging. And two were funerals.
10. Did you ever go to Sunday School? No, it was very much an Anglican thing, where I lived when I was that age.
11. Do you wear a lot of black? Quite a lot, but not in a 'I wear black' way. If try to match a black suit with non-black tops. Or wear black tops with grey or cream trousers/skirt.
12. Did you ever bring a weapon to school? As you can imagine, there wasn't a great need for guns at a Cheshire convent grammar school in the Eighties. Do drumsticks count?
13. Have you ever hugged a tree? No
14. Do you know what a sphincter actually is? An unmarried woman with a liking of anal sex?
15. Describe your hair? Recently cut-and-dyed stylishly messy; in need of a wash. Short. Has a 'just got out of bed look.
16. Are you a wild beast? No, I'm a sweet angelic ickle girlie.
17. Do you like to have fun? By definition. But I don't like doing things that are "FUN". In fact, I steer away from things so promoted. I decide what's fun, for me.
18. Do you like drama? A bit. I like to go to a play every couple of years. And I like drama on the telly. I mean proper drama not so much crappy formulaic stuff. I also do Drama Queen quite well.
19. Have you ever taken a bong hit? No. Although I have smoked the odd joint, and also smoked from a Shisha pipe.
20. Do you like mayonnaise? Definitely, especially with prawns, tuna, or chips.
21. Are you afraid to die? Not especially. I try not to think about it. I do occasionally wonder what it would be like to die a slow painful death, either lingering for weeks, or else in an accident untreated.
22. Do you like playing in leaves? I like scuffling through them. I would be a lot happier if I could be sure they didn't contain dogshit. You know, if humans shat on the pavement there would be uproar in the Press. So I don't see why it's acceptable for dogs to do so. Or cats. In my garden.
23. Have you ever peed your pants as an adult? There is a blog post about this somewhere.
24. Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult? No, thankfully. but I am a regular vomiter. Hey, I haven't thrown up for months and months. What's going on?
25. Are you an adult? Yes. Most definitely. I also try to act my age. I don't want anybody to think I'm in my Twenties, heaven forfend
26. Ever won a spelling bee? This is American. I'm not. Considering my excelent speling I no that I wud have one menny wen I woz a child. Not so sure now, computers have destroyed the spelling genius in me.
27. Do you ever eat because youre depressed? No. But often when I'm melancholy or lethargic. Which is not the same as depressed. Melancholy and lethargy are a natural part of life's rhythms and we don't help ourselves by denying them.
28. Are you a television addict? No. I go for days without watching TV, and I only watch what I've chosen to watch. Often, I watch a lot but always dictated by active selection not just by the need to 'watch telly'.
29. Do you think OJ was guilty? I actually don't give a shit. Someone I worked with at the time called this the most important trial of the century. I asked "More important than the Nuremberg trials?" She hadn't heard of the Nuremberg Trials. Far better to be taught what to think by low-rent telly than to actually know about important stuff.
30. Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? Not especially. We're not exactly soul-mates. I've got nothing against her. But I couldn't go on holiday with her.
31. Have you ever had sex in a hot tub? On a swing? No and no. This comes straight after the previous question? Talk about juxtaposition!
32. Do you like Elvis? A bit. Great voice. Some fab songs. I have a real problem with Elvis impersonators. It's all very well to get up to look like him and sing those songs, but, mate, you don't have the voice.
33. Do you enjoy watching animals "do it" on the Discovery channel? No, not especially. If it's important for the documentary I don't mind but if it's just shown for gratuitous sex, no. Not that I watch animal documentaries. But Himself does.
34. Have you ever had sex with a total stranger? Not a total stranger. I mean, I try to find out their name first, and spend at least a couple of hours chatting with them. I've never been in that situation of meeting someone, eyes connecting, and next moment, banging. It sounds quite attractive as a fantasy but I think it would be - for me - a deeply unsatisfactory experience that would just leave me feeling empty.
35. Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys? No. I don't know what this means. I don't eat meat. Even when I did I would have rated turkey well below any other sort of meat.
36. Does your mom [sic] think someone is hot? I don't think my mother would ever use the expression 'hot'. But she does seem rather keen on Simon Keenlyside, and gets annoyed when I call him Shirtless.
37. Are you a sugar freak? Not a freak. But I do like toffees and chocolates and cakes and puddings. And sugar lumps.
38. Ever been arrested? No. I have tried. Half-heartedly, I have to confess.
39. Ever commit a crime and get away with it? Yes. Once I rode a bike down a footpath with a 'no cycling' sign and came face to face with the Chief Constable, a certain Sir James Anderton. He was very nice and greeted me warmly, as he usually did. I got prosecuted for accidental fare dodging in 1997. It was a stupid tedious mistake. What's frustrating is it wouldn't be a crime now, because I boarded a bus in Zone 3 with a Zone 1 and 2 travelcard. I live literally in the border of Zones 2 and 3 so over the years I have varied what Travelcard I get depending on plans.
40. Do you like orange juice? Yes, but I prefer cranberry juice, apple juice, tomato juice, pineapple juice. And prefer other fruit type drinks like Smoothies and Lassi.
41. What sign are you? I think I am the uneven road or Woman struggling with umbrella. The favourite I have seen is "! Llamas" And I have never seen this one, either in Real Life or in the Highway Code. I wonder how many people haven't seen this one
42. Where do you wish you were right now? For a few moments this morning I did wish I was at work. I want to be progressing my audits. That didn't last long. I want to be somewhere hot and faraway, but I don't want the hassle of getting there. I could name a place but people would only laugh. It begins with an 'A'...
43. Did you enjoy this? Alrightish. Like a lot of these memes, you shouldn't take the questions at face value. It's got to be better than the ones that say 'Have you ever kissed someone? Have you ever got drunk? Have you ever slept naked? Have you ever pulled a sickie? Have you ever been to a foreign country?'
