Stay Calm, did you hear me stay calm. DON'T BLOODY PANIC
Avian flu. Or, what it's now mutated into, Bird Flu - on the basis, no doubt, that the British public can't cope with a word like Avian - too many syllables, doesn't pass the Sun test.
I have to confess to being slightly less than interested, so this blogpost is coming to you from a position of uninformed ignorance. So, probably representative of 95% of the population.
These things I know: it's only catchable by humans from birds. Unless it mutates.
Flu's a funny thing. It amazes me the number of people who come to work with "flu". And expect their doctors to treat it with anti-biotics.
I've had flu twice in my life. On either occasion I was knocked out in spectacular fashion - twelve to sixteen hours a day sleeping, the remainder flopped on the sofa watching the most appalling pap of Daytime TV (second time around - daytime telly didn't exist the first time). Unable to walk because of jelly legs. No appetite whatsoever.
For basically healthy people, flu isn't the end of the world. You have it, you get over it, end of story. For the very old and the very young, and for the myriad of people with compromised immune systems, it is a lot more serious.
I heard on the radio yesterday if there is an outbreak, concerts and horse races will be cancelled.
I fell to thinking how that would work in practice. I suppose the Government has Emergency Powers to prevent mass gatherings, especially those of an organised nature like Sports and Ents. Jimmy reckons that if there is an outbreak people won't want to go out, anyway. To which I replied, undoubtedly true of a great many people; not so of all. The post-bombing period was interesting. We travelled on half-empty Tubes to sold-out Proms, and all the emerging evidence is that people continued to attend planned events, but, perhaps subconsciously, didn't spontaneously do ad-hocs in Central London.
Health staff will have to congregate in mass in hospitals. Then there's the transport staff to get them there. There's the electricity, gas and water staff. If everyone's stuck at home, telly had better be good. If the streets are nearly deserted, chancers will take the opportunity to riot, loot and run amok, so that's all police leave cancelled, and Specials, CSOs, Street Wardens and troops drafted in to retain civil order - and cover for those down with flu.
I said - they can't stop people going to the pub; Jimmy said, what barstaff will want to work in an outbreak of flu? I said, those that won't get paid unless they go to work. Then we thought of all the jobs, particularly the small businesses and self-employed which the government would only get away with shutting down if they offer compensation. People have still got to eat.
Oh, and that's another factor. Panic buying. When do we start it? Would it best to do what I did for the millennium, surreptitiously panic buy - I spent all of 1999 sneaking extra tins and other longlife food into my trolley when I was sure no one was watching. Have you even thought about what essentials you will need in the event of Avian flu? Is this where we get in water, candles and radio batteries, or are we looking at baked beans, savoury biscuits, and longlife milk and loo rolls?
Or will it be like the last flu epidemic where statistics showed an increase in deaths amongst the frail, and my observations indicated increased absenteeism from work, but, otherwise, life went on pretty much as normal?
