Annie wants answers
Signs to tell that you had been living in London too long - or rather ways to show that you were now actually a Londoner regardless of where you came from in the first place.
1. You say "the City" and expect everyone to know which one.
Definitely
2. You have never been to The Tower of London or Madame Tussauds but love Brighton
Not true at all, but definitely true in spirit
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can't find Dorset on a map.
Has an element of truth, again, in spirit rather than practice
4. Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
Yes
5. You step over people who collapse on the Tube.
Yes
6. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.
No, can't swear in foreign
7. You've considered stabbing someone
Oh god yes. And strangling, shooting, and decapitation
8. Your door has more than three locks.
No - front door two, back door three
9. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
Yeah, on the whole
10. You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a garden.
Grass? Who said anything about grass?
11. You consider Essex the "countryside".
No. I used to live there
12. You think Hyde Park is "nature".
Sort of. I don't really, but, y'know
13. You're paying £1,200 a month for a studio the size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a "bargain".
No, because I bought a freehold house in a desperately unfashionable area at the bottom of the market rather than insist on living somewhere fashionable. Thankfully, my area is now borderline hot.
14. Shopping in suburban supermarkets and shopping malls gives you a severe attack of agoraphobia.
Claustrophobia and homicidal paranoia
15. You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the UK pay in rent.
I don't have a car; Himself parks his on our unadopted road, for free
16. You pay £3 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28p.
Well, that question shows a lack of understanding of costings
17. You actually take fashion seriously.
Nay, nay and thrice nay
18. You have 27 different take-away menus next to your telephone.
We have about a dozen on a shelf in the kitchen
19. The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical to you.
No, I am widely travelled throughout the UK
20. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
God yes, nutcases or what!
21. Your idea of personal space is no one actually physically standing on you.
More or less
22. £50 worth of groceries fit in one plastic bag.
No, what rot. Someone's buying the wrong groceries from the wrong shop
23. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
Yes, but, I have never made the mistake of getting into rogue minicabs alone, and I campaigned for the licensing of minicabs, so two of my worst cab stories involve the driver not knowing where he was going, and the rest are just about the boring offensive drivel emanating from the driver's mouth
24. You don't hear sirens anymore.
Not generally, but I did blog about the seemingly incessant sirens that followed the 21st July abortive bombings. Special circumstances, you see.
25. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the city's air/water quality and what it's doing to your insides.
No, but what's the point of worrying
26. You live in a building with a larger population than most towns.
No, I live in a freehold house in a once unfashionable part of town
27. Your cleaner is Portugese, your grocer is Somali, your butcher is Halal, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is Italian, your laundry guy is Philippino, your bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner is Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was African, your newsagent is Indian and your local English chippie owner is Turkish.
Yes to a couple, specifically. I doubt many people have "Indian" newsagents. But I do enjoy the fact that every nation on earth appears to be represented just in my immediate neighbourhood
28. You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until you get married.
What on earth does that mean?
29. You roll your eyes and say 'tsk' at the news that someone has thrown themselves under a tube train.
No, I feel compassion for the driver
30. Your day is ruined if you don't get a copy of Metro on the way to work.
I really don't think so - Metro, pile of cack, marginally better than the Sub-Standard Lite
