I remembered at the weekend why, until very recently, I was against the idea of getting married. My aunt phoned and left a message, all very nice and how one would expect any normal aunt to react to the news that her youngest niece was engaged. She then said she'd phone my mother. When she did phone my mother she expressed disapproval that it won't be in a Catholic Church or any church for that matter (even my brother is slipping there by having a con-celebrated ecumenical service in an Anglican church). She also made clear her disapproval that Jimmy's divorced.
I don't know what upsets me more: the hypocrisy in being all sweetness on my ansafone and then slagging me off to my mother, or the fact that she thinks she has a right to determine whom and how I should marry. Just because she is a serious Catholic (as is/was my parents) doesn't mean that the Catholic Church has any role to play in my life. And one of the reasons I detest the Catholic Church is because of the sheer bigotry and lack of compassion and realism in the realm of human relations.
I am tempted to ring her up and wait for her to repeat what she said to my mother, then say "Thud! That is the sound of you falling off the guest list." Or to ignore her and let it be known why I am ignoring her.
But I also know that there are plenty of people who share my views about the Catholic church and bigotry (her daughters), or are divorced (my cousin, her niece) or are rational, or don't believe in the extended family (two more cousins) who, nevertheless, would say,
"You know what she's like. She's 82, she's always been like that. Just ignore her, we all do."
Or other people who would think it unbelievably cruel to exclude her from the guest list.
So I guess I shall phone her up and be all gushing and say 'yes," a lot, and if she repeats what she says I shall be firm, but polite and calm, and preface any comments with "With respect...", full in the knowledge that my father always thought her a rather silly woman. Yeah, my father would have expected me to be polite and not temperamental.
I just have to pick my time to ensure that I have an hour to spare and she won't have been drinking (too much).
Mind you, with my sister throwng a tantrum when I said, 'no, I've not made any firm plans but it will be in London', the British Virgin Islands are becoming more attractive.
