Gertsamtkunstwerk

Information and Communiation Technology

Not too many years ago some chaps I knew, still know, sort of, (but they don't know each other), developed an affectation for referring to the wireless. You know, that apparatus from which you are able to receive the Home Service and the Third Programme. Perhaps it was little different from me pretentiously referring to a common household instrument as a 'telephone'. Bizarrely, from being a delightfully old-fashioned term, 'wireless' now refers to cutting edge technology.

I think I revealed a little about myself earlier, when I stated "I'm not very good at text-messaging..." I suspect that the word is actually texting. I'm not sure how to pronounce the past tense version - I texted, you texted, he/she/it texted.

I am encountered a number of references recently on weblogs to IM and ICQ. I think I know what they are, but I don't entirely get them. Why would I want to communicate with them when I have telephones at home and work and a mobile telephone, too, as well as numerous email addresses?

Timely adverb

Webster refers to an OED reference to 'timely' being used adverbally, but deprecates it thus:

I'm surprised to find that my Shorter OED lists "timely" as an adverb also, and gives an example similar to yours: "They seemed to move the Socialists slightly, but timely, to the Right" (meaning "at the right time" or "soon enough" or "in time"). I do agree with you, though, that this usage is odd and people who use "timely" in this manner are not to be trusted. Leave your ear alone.

Looking at my Compact OED, and AskOxford.com merely draws a blank. My Fowler is at home.

Timely as an adverb strikes a dischord, but the meaning is entirely clear and the alternatives are clumsy.

Discuss.

Irreverent quip

Who's that idiot who's reading the BBC Ten O'Clock News? 'A meeting to build Doomacracy. Thousands took the streets (sic) in protest.'

In which I cause chaos and mayhem...

It started off innocently. I only wanted to check a spelling. 'Queuing' or 'queueing'. My colleague's report said 'queueing'; MS Spellchecker (which, in Excel 97 comes only in American, for which queue is a foreign language) said queuing. I tried writing it down, but, to be honest, even 'queue' started to look odd (too many years of bus-catching in London?).

My Chambers Dictionary - which is rubbish, but I found it abandoned in a bookcase when we vacated our former premises - said that queue is 'a pendent braid of hair at the back of the head, a pigtail'. So I went to check out Mohammed's Collins. As I removed it from his shelf, I brought with me a pile of papers, just as he walked in the door - to see me destroying his work area. The Collins said queuing or queueing.

By this time I had disturbed the whole team, who all offered their opinion. Maggie's mini-Oxford does not contemplate queue as a gerund. So I'm going with the Collins but making note to self to buy proper dictionary.

Incidentally, when looking to see whether I really meant gerund, I encountered 'hebdomadal' - occurring every seven days.

So, weekly, then...

Titles

I suspect that this may sound a bit anal, as if I'm becoming a little obsesssed, but the whole subject of titles is a minefield. I'm hardly going to mention the aristocratic ones, which are anachronistic and a tad embarrassing. Although I have studied them at some length, so know that a Duke is higher than an Earl, who is higher than a Viscount who is higher than a Marquis, (or it might be the other way round), who is higher than a Baron, who is higher that a baronet, who is higher than a knight who is higher than a mister.

You will note that I use only the male version: in general women derive their title from their husband. I can't for the life of me figure out why it's Princess Michael of Kent but Princess Diana of Wales - who, of course, became Diana, Princess of Wales on divorce.

What is most interesting are the titles of ordinary people.

(Read On)

Get rid of titles

It's happened again. Twice. On Saturday I went ot the travel agents to pick up the tickets for our holiday. I had a quick glance at them, and noticed that my boyfriend's name on the ticket had been arbitrarily assigned the title "Ms". Not very helpful, considering that not only is he 6 foot and quite male looking, but his passport designates him as male. I instructed the travel agents to change the ticket. They rang this morning to say that we have to change it at the airport. Great. Why exactly is it necessary to have a title on the ticket?

On Friday I finally got my network changed on my mobile. Apparently, it "normally goes swimmingly." Not in my case, so I was without a mobile service for 48 hours. I rang on Friday to set up the GPRS and was told it would be done by 6pm. It wasn't, and, not having time on Saturday to pursue the matter, I rang this morning. Turns out that they were unable to enable the GPRS service because the account is in the name of "Mr" G BLog. As you can imagine, I had to be scraped off the ceiling.

Because of this stupid insistence by society that everybody has to have a title, I am wasting hours of my time, chasing the incompetence of these private sector organisations. I am still puzzled as to why a title has any meaning. It adds nothing to establishing identity. It has no legal basis. And, in my experience, it is a major contribution to reducing effeciency in British industry.

I am seriously considering contributing my experiences to Watchdog or You and Yours. Has anybody any insight into what would be the most appropriate forum? Has anybody any experience they would wish to relate, or join me a joint submission?

I wonder how Professor Lord Winston or Doctor Lady Redgrave get on.

From now on you can address me as either Princess Gert or Reverend Rear-Admiral G Blog. I know that they are pretty arbitrary titles, but arbitrariness seems to be a prerequisite nowadays.

A wizard and other miscellany

I was delighted to see Manchester United win 5-3 yesterday against Newcastle, thanks to Paul Scholes, Ruud van Nistelrooy (3) and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. So far, they've had a fairly variable season, sailing through the first group stage of the European Cup and spluttering in the League. With Liverpool and Arsenal losing, United are fifth, six points behind the Arse. - to make a bid for the top. Everton are in a very strange third place.

Yesterday evening we went to see Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. I would definitely recommend it. We went to "...and the Philosopher's Stone" by accident: me thinking Jimmy wanted to go, and he thinking that I did. Neither of us thought we would like it, but there was no question whatsoever about going to this one. Don't misunderstand me - it's not great, or massively thought provoking, and SPOILER the Goodies won over the Baddies<. /SPOILER>.

Incidentally, I got side-tracked by this bulletin board where some person kicked up a whole storm by saying that Harry Potter should be filmed in American accents. One person posted:

No offense, and not to go against the Rowling's work, but why can't you believe American publishers changed some sayings and words (like the title of book 1)? They had too. Sure the original British English could have fostered dialogues between parents and children across the U.S., but really, "jumper"? An American child reads that word and won't ask what it is because we have our own notions of what a "jumper" is and it's not a sweater. We would have read that wrong and then had the wrong image in our heads.

Things like soccer or the word billion. In British aren't they football and trillion. American's football is a very different sport and a trillion is so much larger than a billion. Or how about that a public school in America would be a state school in Britain or that a public school in Britain would be a private school in America. Certain words need the translation to avoid confusion.

Just as books need to be translated from British into French or Japanese, they also need translated into American English. And vice-versa I'm sure. The two languages are not at all interchangable. I like British English. I love movies set in Britain, but that's because in the movies I can get the context of the language from the visuals on screen. In a book, it's a bit harder. Certain sayings in Britain mean other things in America. But if there are American sayings that better convey the British meaning, why not translate? It's not an insult to American youth and their intelligence, but a logical way to make sure that American children truly understand and see J.K. Rowling's story and vision as she intended.

I have to admit to being shocked at that. When I was a child I read quite a few books from North America - notably, those by Louisa M Alcott (Little Women etc), LM Montgomery (Anne of Green Gables) and Laura Ingalls Wilder (Little House on the Prairie). These were not translated into English English, and some of the expressions and words threw me, but I seem to remember that I somehow I just absorbed that words were slightly different, and part of the richness of reading is learning about far away places.

This afternoon I had a bit of a bad back, so I went for a long soak in the bath. when I got out, Jimmy asked me to get some chocolates out of the fridge 'because they need eating'. So I held them above my head and looked up to see if there was a 'Best Before' date on the bottom. I did a nasty injury to my neck, which made it nigh on impossible to move for half an hour, and still hurts now about five hours later. I later spoke on the phone to my brother, a doctor. He diagnosed Walnut Whiplash.