Many years ago, not long after I had moved into Gert Cottage I decided to redecorate the kitchen. I spent one whole weekend painting it, and I have to say, it looked pretty damned good. I had even managed to dispose of a man in the process - he had offered to help, and knowing that he would want to take over, in a manly sort of way, and knowing that the relationship was coming to a natural end, I declined his offer.
Having completed the painting and got hardly any orange paint in my hair, I took a long hard look and realised that the kitchen tiles looked manky.
I spent some time researching, and then buying. I spent most of a Saturday scraping off the old cork tiles to return to the original concrete floor (the kitchen is a 20th Century extension to my pre-Victorian Cottage). I used a paint scraper and, very sensibly, I wore gardening gloves. With a rich variety of music blasting on the CD player it was not a bad way to spend a Saturday.
Sunday I laid new vinyl tiles. I have to say, for a complete novice, I did a truly splendid job. Many visitors commented on how good it looked. Admittedly, they did not scrutinise too closely the bits where I had cut round the fridge. But, considering it was my first attempt at DIY, and my first ever time using a Stanley Knife, and considering that I have the wrong chromosomes for DIY, it was a bloody miracle.
That was 1996, and in the intervening years, the kitchen has seen a fair amount of usage. The orange paint still looks okay especially when it catches the late evening sun. But the last place one wants a trip hazard is in the kitchen.
So, a couple of weeks ago, Jimmy got some strong manly glue out of the lean-to/utility-room in order to stick back the kitchen tiles. He made some comment about how the adhesive had got all scrunched up on the reverse of the tile. I wondered what he was going on about. He said "Yes, it's still sticky..." "And this one, I've peeled the whole backing paper off." For a split second I felt an utter and total idiot, and then, wait for this,
"Ah, but I decided to use strong vinyl tile glue to stick them down on to the concrete floor, which, you will note, is quite uneven in places. It's a good thing that I did, because, look, they've stayed stuck down for nine years, apart from three or four that have come loose, so now, all you need to do is unpeel the backing paper, and press them onto the floor. Of course, it won't last as long as proper vinyl-tile-concrete-floor glue, but I'm sure it will do for now..."
I think I should have been a spin doctor..
But I do think there are two types of women - those that have men in their lives and those that can DIY. I used to be able to DIY, but now I have a man in my life. There's a sociology Ph. D theory waiting to be written there.
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