Ranieri's career prospects

What if ...

1. Chelsea are easily knocked out of the Champions League by Arsenal and fall away in the Premiership to finish 3rd, 15 points behind winners Arsenal. Joe Cole is sold to Liverpool for a small profit. Result: Ranieri is sacked

2. Chelsea reach the semis of the Champions League and lose to Real Madrid on away goals. They finish 2nd in the Premiership, six points ahead of 3rd-placed Man Utd. Beckham tells Spanish newspapers that the only reason he would leave Madrid is to "play under a manager like Claudio Ranieri and I know Raul and Zidane feel the same". Result: Ranieri is sacked

3. Chelsea are beaten finalists in the Champions League, losing on penalties to Milan after a thrilling 5-5 draw. In an all-night poker game with Wenger and Ferguson, Ranieri wins Henry and van Nistelrooy with a bluff and later announces that he has invented a type of sticky tape that finds its own end for you when you whistle. Result: Ranieri is sacked

4. Chelsea win the Champions League, beating Milan in the final. Ranieri persuades Florentino P�rez to swap Roberto Carlos and Ronaldo for Hasselbaink and announces that he has discovered a way to make Britain energy self-sufficient by harnessing the power of childhood dreams. Result: Ranieri is sacked

5. Chelsea overhaul Arsenal to take the title and clinch the Champions League with a 7-0 victory over Milan. Ranieri buys Francesco Totti for �7.50 on eBay, persuades Rev Ian Paisley to admit that "maybe the Pope isn't that bad after all" and forces Ant & Dec to enter a Trappist monastery. Result: Ranieri is sacked

6. Chelsea win the Champions League and the Premiership. Ranieri finds the Beagle space probe, discovers life on Mars and leads his side to victory over a Red Planet Select XI. The game is broadcast around the globe uniting mankind in a spirit of earthly brotherhood. Armies lay down their weapons, enemies embrace, poverty, hunger and inequality are abolished and the UN announces a new era of peace and harmony will be named in honour of the man who inspired it: Result: Ranieri is sacked