Gertsamtkunstwerk

I know Julie Andrews was a nun, but...

I am currently listening to a rather gorgeous CD I bought a few weeks ago. It is my absolutely favourite singer of all time, Plácido Domingo (with whom I fell deeply and eternally in love at the age of twelve).

The CD is called Sacred Songs and has a pleasing mix of the familiar and unfamiliar: Panis Angelicus, and Bach/Gounod's Ave Maria are mixed with a Kyrie by Rustichelli and an Ave Maria by Placido Domingo Junior. Track 12 is "Climb Every Mountain" by Richard Rodgers, which is a delightful song. But, not sacred. I don't think.

Titles

I suspect that this may sound a bit anal, as if I'm becoming a little obsesssed, but the whole subject of titles is a minefield. I'm hardly going to mention the aristocratic ones, which are anachronistic and a tad embarrassing. Although I have studied them at some length, so know that a Duke is higher than an Earl, who is higher than a Viscount who is higher than a Marquis, (or it might be the other way round), who is higher than a Baron, who is higher that a baronet, who is higher than a knight who is higher than a mister.

You will note that I use only the male version: in general women derive their title from their husband. I can't for the life of me figure out why it's Princess Michael of Kent but Princess Diana of Wales - who, of course, became Diana, Princess of Wales on divorce.

What is most interesting are the titles of ordinary people.

(Read On)

Don't mess with me

(Throughout this piece bear in mind that my interlocutor mumbled indistinctly, and therefore I had to ask him to repeat everything.)

Mobile rang. I answered it. Bloke asked to speak to Ms G Blog. I asked who was calling. He said he was calling from some organisation or other, of which I had never heard, on behalf of Vodafone. I have recently used the call centre and he wanted to know about the level of service. He asked me whether he could ask my age - I replied he could, if he sent me a copy of their privacy policy and how they comply with the Data Protection Act. He then asked whether it was me or my employer who paid my bill. I said I would tell him if he sent me a copy of their privacy policy and how they comply with the Data Protection Act. "As a customer of Vodafone, how do you rank their service from very satisfied....to not satisfied at all?"

"I am no longer a customer of Vodafone."

The phone went dead.

So, you ring me unsolicited. You are from an unknown organisation. You ask me personal questions, possibly illegally. And you don't have the courtesy to properly end the conversation.

That's just fine. I don't mind at all.

Get rid of titles

It's happened again. Twice. On Saturday I went ot the travel agents to pick up the tickets for our holiday. I had a quick glance at them, and noticed that my boyfriend's name on the ticket had been arbitrarily assigned the title "Ms". Not very helpful, considering that not only is he 6 foot and quite male looking, but his passport designates him as male. I instructed the travel agents to change the ticket. They rang this morning to say that we have to change it at the airport. Great. Why exactly is it necessary to have a title on the ticket?

On Friday I finally got my network changed on my mobile. Apparently, it "normally goes swimmingly." Not in my case, so I was without a mobile service for 48 hours. I rang on Friday to set up the GPRS and was told it would be done by 6pm. It wasn't, and, not having time on Saturday to pursue the matter, I rang this morning. Turns out that they were unable to enable the GPRS service because the account is in the name of "Mr" G BLog. As you can imagine, I had to be scraped off the ceiling.

Because of this stupid insistence by society that everybody has to have a title, I am wasting hours of my time, chasing the incompetence of these private sector organisations. I am still puzzled as to why a title has any meaning. It adds nothing to establishing identity. It has no legal basis. And, in my experience, it is a major contribution to reducing effeciency in British industry.

I am seriously considering contributing my experiences to Watchdog or You and Yours. Has anybody any insight into what would be the most appropriate forum? Has anybody any experience they would wish to relate, or join me a joint submission?

I wonder how Professor Lord Winston or Doctor Lady Redgrave get on.

From now on you can address me as either Princess Gert or Reverend Rear-Admiral G Blog. I know that they are pretty arbitrary titles, but arbitrariness seems to be a prerequisite nowadays.

Shock! Horror! Ethnic Minorities Exist North of Watford!

Another example from the Today programme of its narrow metropolitan bias. Jack Straw was interviewed about the possibility of Turkey joining the EU. Ed Stourton's contention - one shared with Right Wing Christian Democrats across Europe - is that Turkey is not suitable for entry into the EU, because it's, well, in Asia. And, more importantly, not of a Christian tradition.

Jack Straw pointed out that many areas of Europe have a Moslem tradition - for example, Spain. Ed Stourton asked him what his "constituents in the North West of England have in common with Turkey". Jack Straw replied that a third of his constituents in Blackburn are Moslems.

Note to BBC. There are Black and Asian people oop North. They're very easy to spot. They're the ones without ferrets and whippets. And cloth caps.

Just for the record, I am fascinated by the project of European expansion. In many ways it is a further step towards the dream of Robert Schumann et al of a truly United Europe. It is good that it is forcing Turkey - and other countries - to improve their human rights record, including the abolition of Capital Punishment.

Remember when the Isle of Man had to legalise homosexuality because of its indirect membership of the EU? Wasn't that membership also the reason that they abolished birching?

However, it will also see agreat movement of labour and capital across Europe. Which will be...interesting!

CherieGate

As soon as I heard that this story had been kicked up by the Mail, I sighed. Cherie Booth is the absolute antithesis of Mail-land. A mother of four who earns more than her husband, who's quite successful in his own right. A success in her career, who's the product of a broken home, the daughter of an alcoholic philanderer. A left winger and a devout Catholic. Everything the Daily Mail hates.

Listening to the Today programme this morning, I was horrified. They had dragged up some retired judge who stated that the whole issue was a scandal, because the next time Cherie sits as a judge, the defendant will bring up the subject and say, "Did you fancy this man?" The interviewer, Humphreys or Naughtie, I forget which let this ghastly man continue, and he finished by saying, "In my opinion, she's far too overdressed." Then the odious snivelling little Trevor Kavanagh came on, and said, "I agree with every word that he said."

I listened for an hour and a half and I did not hear one female voice in that entire time.

Just remind me, why is it that women are said to be 'apathetic' about 'politics'?

Ethical Tourism

As it's International Human Rights Day today, I thought that I would pick up on something that Jae wrote:

After reading on Gert's blog that she is off on holiday to Egypt, I want your thoughts on what I think of as "ethical holidaying". I would never go to a country I felt was morally corrupt, such as Egypt where about 50 men were arrested for being suspected as gay (please note that to top it off they almost certainly AREN'T!!). I felt bad just visiting Italy. I think of it this way. Would you go for a holiday to Nazi Germany, when you know they are killing Jews? Would you go for a holiday to Jamaica where they chase gay men into the ocean, and wait on the beach until the gay man drowns, or they simply kill him on the steps of a church? I am not trying to say that YOU shouldn't go, just saying I couldn't. Just interested in your thoughts.

That is a very difficult one to answer. There are a number of trite answers eg whether or not I go to a country makes absolutely no difference to their human rights. Name me a country that doesn't leave something lacking in the human rights field - in my lifetime I have visited USA, Canada, Ireland, Italy, France, Greece, Switzerland, Cuba and Spain. And there's the UK, as well. Some have better human rights records than others, but I don't suppose even Canada is a paragon. Or, my going to a country is not an endorsement of their government, a government that is not always endorsed by its population

There is also the sanctimonious answer: it is only by Western Liberals visiting countries with a bad human rights record can they progress. Or, I go to countries to find out more about them, not merely to sit on a beach topping up my tan, or seizing photo opportunities.

Or there is the argument that it's easy to sit in an armchair pontificating, but a lot harder to do something about changing the world.

But they are all lacking something.

Arguably, all tourism is ethically unsound. All non-sustainable transport is unethical. I suppose if I were ethically pure I would never go on holiday, except by bike. But I am not ethically pure. That can be said for most of my consumer habits. Most of my clothes are made in Third World countries, and I don't enquire about the conditions of the workers who produce them. I don't go out of my way to buy Fair Trade chocolate or coffee. I smoke. Much of my food is pre-packaged, and not locally sourced. I don't pretend to be ethical.

When I was younger I considered living a life free from capitalism. But I realised I couldn't. Not just because I lacked the moral fibre, but because I can't see how it is possible. Going back to nature, being self-sufficient still requires the financial means to rent or buy property.

I have already decided that I am taking 2003 off from Politics. What I shall do instead is study more, especially on development issues. I don't know what the implications of that are. I'm unlikely to up sticks and go to a developing country.

I think that the points that Jae made are valid. But I also think that the world we live in is complicated. My Indian manager is going to India for Christmas, my Nigerian colleague to Nigeria. I have friends living and working in Russia and Zimbabwe - one of the Russians, is in effect, exiled from his home country of Singapore because he's gay.

When it boils down to it, I am a member of Western society and I want to see the world. Not very ethical.

Streets of London

Don't be fooled into thinking from the post below that London is an unpleasant place. Far from it. I went shopping this evening, mainly Christmas presents, because I'm seeing my mother, siblings and neplings this weekend. I was also looking for an outfit to wear to a friend's wedding in a week's time. I saw a gorgeous dress in Ann Harvey, but concluded it was slightly too 'evening' for a wedding. Plus, I don't pay for £89 for something I'll only probably wear five times.

I have to confess I also treated myself to a couple of boxes of candles from BHS, £10 each reduced from £15. One's in cream, one's in red. Each contains a floating candle bowl, two votive holders, two tealight holdres, a dinner candle holder, a couple of dozen beads, and 27 candles in four different designs.

It was a very stress-free experience. The shops were not too busy, just like a *normal* Thursday night. Admitttedly, I am a very focussed shopper, not into browsing and dithering. the shops looked lovely, and the lights on Oxford Street are, for once, worth seeing - all white, but with no ghastly commercialism-sponsored-by-Tango.

The only shop in which I got annoyed was the Disney Store which is just the most cretinous place on the planet. All I wanted was gift vouchers. It takes a combination of three staff to get them - unlike every other shop which keeps them in the till. The woman on the till said there were no cards. The man who passed them to me said there were cards. The man who got them from the store said there were no envelopes. I told them they were 'tacky'. I do not understand why they want your name, as well as your signature, on the switch receipt. I hate the way they call you a guest. As in "Please stand aside so I can serve the next guest." Next time I go in I will wear a big sign saying "Just serve me, dammit. I'm only here on sufferance."

And there wil be a next time. My sister gets Disney vouchers for birthday AND Christmas. My nephew looked like following in his mother's footsteps when he requested Disney vouchers for his sixth birthday. He was a lot easier this time: HMV, DVD. More like his father. Although my sister and nephew both collect Beanies. My brother-in-law and niece do not approve. My mother has already bought the Barbie keyboard (as in, piano) from me for my niece, which saves me lugging it.

I decided to get a cab home - I don't have a car, so I don't apologise for the occasional taxi ride. He took me the slightly longer, but quicker route - via Sloane Square, Albert Bridge, Battersea and across Clapham Common. We went to Sloane Square via Eaton Square, one of the world's most exclusive addresses. It is a gorgeous square, with magnificent houses. As we drove through there, I thought, if I were rich enough I would live there. It would be handy for the office. Then, I remembered, if I were rich enough to live there, I most certainly would not be going to the office!

You may be interested to know that the dominant christmas decoration style on Cheyne Walk is trees with white lights. I think that's how mine will be too. (Or the two foot artifical tree I bought from Woolworths in 1991).

Incidentally, in attempting (unsuccessfully) to find pictures of Cheyne Walk, I came across these the photos taken by people who have walked from Teddington to Charing Cross and the Width of the A-Z, which only reminds me of how little I know of this great city of mine.

Then I discover that Teddington to Charing X man also has pictures of Nottingham University campus, including the famous cherry trees at the top of Cherry Tree Hill and - sob - demolition of the cowsheds.

Drama at dinnertime

I went out at lunchtime and noticed that traffic was being diverted down our usually quiet back street. I also spotted a helicopter circling over head. I knew something was going down. I walked round the perimeter of Victoria Station and noticed that Victoria Street was sealed off, and there was a line of cameramen assembled. I hoped this was not for the arrival of a VIP - especially a Royal VIP - because if so I would have asserted my right to go to Sainsburys - somewhere I never go at lunchtime! I asked a policewoman what was happening. She said that there was a man in a bank with a gun.

I queued for about twenty minutes to get a rail ticket for Saturday, then decided to go to Pret a Manger. There was another police cordon just the other side of Pret. The shop itself was strangely quiet, and they even had soup left at ten to two. When I came out an elderly man, perhaps of Polish origin, was shouting loudly and incomprehensively whilst brandishing a bunch of flowers, providing much-needed entertainment for the hordes of people who had gathered to watch. It was quite fascinating seeing the difference between the workers, who stood and watched, dillying and dallying, and the trippers and tourists who had looks of concern and worry on their faces.

I returned to the office to find a Global email saying:

As a result of an on-going hostage incident at the Abbey National Bank adjacent to (Decant Building), no-one is being allowed to enter or leave (Decant Building) at present.

A further announcement will be made as soon as this situation is resolved.

Bit of a bummer if you have no lunch. I hope they'll be allowed out at home time.

Update: It's over

Irritation

It's time to make a list of things that irritate me. This is not about things that anger me, like nuclear weapons, men who use girls as sex toys, or clitorectomies. Nor is it about things that annoy me such as body odour or a car parked outside my house with loud throbbing-bass non-music.

1. Shop assistants, who, when the bill comes to £5 and a few pence, and I tender £10 and a few pence, can't calculate the change
2. people who pause in the doorway of a lift when I want to get out
3. people who walk backwards into me
4. referring to a magazine as a book
5. using an apostrophe in plural's (sic)
6. people who carry umbrella as ski pole
7. people who crowd me in queues
8. men who answer the phone with just their surname
9. unsolicited use of titles eg Miss, Mrs
10. using a title where a given name would aid clarity
11. referring to 'given names' as 'Christian names'
12. people who stand on the left
13. people who stop at the top of escalators
14. people who push me out of the way to get the train that doesn't leave for ten minutes - and hasn't arrived yet
15. people who sit on a bus or train with their legs wide open
16. people who stand at the bottom of the stairs on a bus and don't know if there are any seats upstairs

I think I must have written that on public transport. I'm sure it will grow!

I probably better do some Christmas shopping soon

I walked into the Carphone Warehouse on Friday, and enquired how much it would cost to upgrade my mobile handset whilst keeping the same number. the answer - nothing, if I switch network. So, a few hours later I returned, in order to walk out with a Sony Ericsson T68 "with many T68i features". It will take until the end of the week to transfer networks, but then I will be able to use a lot of its multimedia features.

On Saturday we walked into the travel agents on Streatham High Road and asked to book a holiday. A couple of hours later, including a strategic retreat to the Hogshead to discuss, we walked out with a two week holiday to the Sinai Peninsular, on the Gulf of Aqaba, an off-shoot of the Red Sea, just at the point where Egypt is closest to Saudi Arabia.

When I looked at the Atlas it looked very close to Baghdad. Then I remembered I was looking at a map of the entire Middle East. Besides, I bought that Atlas the week the Berlin Wall came down. A lot has changed in World Geography since then.

On Saturday night we just popped down the road to the excellent Bombay Bar for a traditional curry. The owner was saying traffic had been appalling, because there had been a shooting at Tulse Hill. As we came out, there were blue sirens down the hill about two roads away. Reportedly, someone had been knocked over.

We went to the Hand-in-Hand, my local. At drinking-up time, just when Jimmy had gone to the loo, two 118 buses went by. Almost simultaneously, Kevin the Barman and I both said "You wait years for a bus along here, and then two come along at once." I commented that he must see loads standing behind the bar. He said he had seen three Green Goddesses. I asked "Do they go 'beeh-beeh, beeh-beeh' because I've heard a lot of 'beeh-beehs' recently, rather than the usual 'Wah-a-wah-a-wah-oooooooooh'" Kevin replied, "No, that's Jimmy who says 'Beer beer, beer beer' a lot".

Back in the Hand at 12.15 for Liverpool v Man United. The first half was a bit dull, and even during the beginning of the second half I was thinking, "I just don't get as passionate abut football as I used to - for flip's sake, this is Liverpool. Is this old age creeping up on me?" Then Diego Forlan was in the right place at the right time, and the rest, as they say, is history. Or, at least a report on BBC Sport. Both United goals well taken, Fabien Barthez's save was stupendous, and Ruud van Nistelroy played like a wuss. We are now up to fourth, six points behind Arsenal. Bring 'em on!